1 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:52,760 Dear God, can I please, please, just once, 2 00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:58,260 find someone to love? A nice girl, you know, with a kind smile. 3 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:03,640 The goal in life is to help children, not blow some famous hockey player. Good 4 00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:07,280 cook, great hugger, nice tush. I wouldn't mind if she read a lot of 5 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:10,920 A little I can laugh with. Belly button ring. You know, I'm wishy -washy on 6 00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,560 that. I'm going to go with you on that, God. 7 00:01:12,760 --> 00:01:14,980 But you see everything, right? There's no secrets here. 8 00:01:15,390 --> 00:01:19,070 You've seen what I've been doing alone here. It's not worth it to keep that up. 9 00:01:19,130 --> 00:01:22,250 For your own sake, you probably don't want to feed that up. Girl who wants to 10 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:23,250 travel. I love to travel. 11 00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:27,770 Oh, me too. Have you ever considered a timeshare? Uh, what? I have lots of 12 00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:30,330 options. Okay, so you brought some paperwork for the date. 13 00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:32,770 A good spooner. Girl who likes movies. 14 00:01:32,990 --> 00:01:36,090 A pretty good dancer. Someone who isn't on crystal meth. 15 00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:38,230 I only do coke when I'm, like, really depressed. 16 00:01:38,610 --> 00:01:40,630 Or, like, Tuesdays. 17 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:43,900 A college -educated would be nice. Someone who likes sports. 18 00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:45,240 An innie, preferably. 19 00:01:45,440 --> 00:01:49,640 I'm not picky, but just, I don't know, like a redhead, a fiery redhead. 20 00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:56,360 Why aren't you drinking? Uh, no, my sponsor told me to stop after four. 21 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:58,240 Ow. Bag. 22 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:04,020 Mommet boy. A girl who's experimental in the fact, but not in an intimidating 23 00:02:04,020 --> 00:02:05,020 way. 24 00:02:05,740 --> 00:02:07,680 Excuse me, are you crying? 25 00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:09,100 Yeah. 26 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,720 You remind me so much of my father. 27 00:02:13,380 --> 00:02:15,720 Also, please let her be smoking hot. 28 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,760 Okay, thanks. I'm the lead in my school play. You should totally come. How old 29 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:20,539 are you again? 30 00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:22,840 18. 18? In three months. 31 00:02:29,520 --> 00:02:30,840 Gwen, my God. 32 00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:32,860 You're so wonderful. 33 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,600 Finally, the first normal girl in Los Angeles. 34 00:02:37,140 --> 00:02:38,540 I love you, Grant. 35 00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:45,900 I love you. 36 00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:50,640 Um, but there's something I need to tell you. 37 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,138 Sure, anything. 38 00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:53,200 What? Oh! 39 00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:57,280 Following them for weeks. Here they are. There they are, right there. You have 40 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:00,920 just committed extreme adultery. What do you have to say for yourself? I did 41 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:01,920 not. I did not. 42 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:03,080 Extreme. 43 00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:04,480 There he is. Get off. 44 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:34,280 Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. 45 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:41,780 Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one -horse open sleigh. 46 00:03:42,060 --> 00:03:49,020 Hey, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the 47 00:03:49,020 --> 00:03:50,020 way. 48 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:56,980 Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one -horse open sleigh. 49 00:04:02,260 --> 00:04:03,260 Guys? Doug? 50 00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:06,680 Doug? Oh, hey, Doug. What are you doing? 51 00:04:07,540 --> 00:04:08,600 Playing Scary Bunny. 52 00:04:08,900 --> 00:04:11,240 Yeah, you almost got me that time. What's the score now? 53 00:04:12,180 --> 00:04:13,420 Zero to 12. Right. 54 00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:15,480 So, how was your date with Gwen? 55 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:16,820 I've had worse. 56 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,200 See? 57 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,579 You thought it was going to be terrible, you old cynic. 58 00:04:20,970 --> 00:04:25,230 I think I have to fire Moe. No, we are not firing Moe. Moe's my friend and an 59 00:04:25,230 --> 00:04:29,510 elderly person and a retired postal worker. He's a good guy. Christmas is in 60 00:04:29,510 --> 00:04:33,290 days, all right? The way he's going won't be done until Cinco de Mayo. It is 61 00:04:33,290 --> 00:04:34,970 time, all right? Business first. 62 00:04:35,310 --> 00:04:36,310 Hey, Moe! 63 00:04:38,870 --> 00:04:39,870 Moe, over here. 64 00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,070 Good, yes, look. 65 00:04:41,650 --> 00:04:44,890 It's not working out. Hop back on the trolley and head to the home, okay? It's 66 00:04:44,890 --> 00:04:45,890 bingo night. Good for you. 67 00:04:50,670 --> 00:04:51,670 Fine, he can stay. 68 00:04:51,830 --> 00:04:52,830 You can stay, Mo! 69 00:04:56,510 --> 00:04:58,730 Hey, your dad called yesterday. 70 00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:00,990 Yesterday? What did he say? Don't worry. 71 00:05:01,930 --> 00:05:03,710 I wrote it down on a post -it note. 72 00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:05,590 In my head. 73 00:05:10,030 --> 00:05:11,030 Hold, please. 74 00:05:11,870 --> 00:05:12,950 I can't find it. 75 00:05:13,210 --> 00:05:15,830 But you should call him because it sounded pretty important. 76 00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:18,610 They think I'm spending Christmas in that asylum with them? 77 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,800 They are crazy. You should be happy you have parents. 78 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:23,660 The only thing I'm happy about is that they live 2 ,000 miles away. 79 00:05:48,330 --> 00:05:50,790 Did you let someone in? Maybe Terry the homeless guy. 80 00:05:51,130 --> 00:05:52,630 He wouldn't come in unless we invited him. 81 00:05:52,950 --> 00:05:53,950 Let's do this. 82 00:06:05,910 --> 00:06:07,790 That's really going to do some damage. What? 83 00:06:08,070 --> 00:06:10,030 It's got a pointy tip. It's like a shiv. 84 00:06:11,110 --> 00:06:14,970 Not in the crotch. Just get a real weapon and then hide. 85 00:06:15,270 --> 00:06:16,270 That's a good idea. 86 00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:17,290 Sneak attack. 87 00:06:18,190 --> 00:06:19,190 Like Red Dawn. 88 00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,010 Listen up, asshole. 89 00:06:26,610 --> 00:06:31,130 I got a shotgun and no compunction about blowing your head off. 90 00:06:32,110 --> 00:06:36,230 Yeah, and I got a box of cannolis, and I'm not afraid to use them. 91 00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:37,810 Cannolis? 92 00:06:39,210 --> 00:06:40,230 Hey, Juji. 93 00:06:40,910 --> 00:06:42,010 You pop up. 94 00:06:43,290 --> 00:06:44,630 Surprise, that kiddo. 95 00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:49,250 What are you doing here? I'm here for Christmas. Open up. Wait, what did you 96 00:06:49,250 --> 00:06:50,470 say? I'm here for the holidays. 97 00:06:50,730 --> 00:06:54,290 I want to hang with my boy. Yeah, come on. Open this cage. I feel like an 98 00:06:54,290 --> 00:06:55,290 out here. 99 00:06:58,130 --> 00:06:58,969 Where's mom? 100 00:06:58,970 --> 00:07:01,110 Mom's with her sister. Come on, come on, come on. Open this thing. 101 00:07:01,630 --> 00:07:05,190 How many days did you say you were going to stay? What is this, frigging 102 00:07:05,190 --> 00:07:06,190 Homeland Security? 103 00:07:06,350 --> 00:07:07,510 Open this cage, buddy. 104 00:07:08,030 --> 00:07:11,590 I had three cheeseburgers before. I got a dump coming to sink the Titanic. Come 105 00:07:11,590 --> 00:07:12,590 on. 106 00:07:17,599 --> 00:07:18,599 Oh, God. 107 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,160 It's so good to see you. Oh, God. 108 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:26,620 You know, I drove 48 hours straight. My aunt is killing me just to be with you. 109 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:27,800 All right. 110 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,460 It's so good to be with family, though. 111 00:07:33,180 --> 00:07:36,140 Oh, yeah. No one messes with us, bitch. 112 00:07:47,940 --> 00:07:48,940 Heal. Heal. 113 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,320 Who the hell are you? 114 00:07:53,520 --> 00:07:54,439 I'm Doug. 115 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:55,660 Yeah, he works for me, Dad. 116 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:59,680 And I'm your best friend, and I'm his best friend. No, you're a friend. And 117 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:03,200 vice president of sales, marketing, research, development, marketing, and 118 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:06,980 here at Happy Holidays Warehouse, where all your holiday custom needs are 119 00:08:06,980 --> 00:08:08,760 serviced. And I sleep on his couch. 120 00:08:09,820 --> 00:08:10,820 Congratulations. 121 00:08:15,159 --> 00:08:18,960 Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. So how long are you in for? Don't 122 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:19,960 worry about me. 123 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:22,040 I got my own air mattress. I'm fine. 124 00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:26,620 Show me my room, man. Show me my room. Hey, VP, get my luggage. 125 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:30,060 This is kind of the busiest time of year. Yeah, no problem. I'll help. No, 126 00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:33,659 let me do it. Let me do it. I can do it. 127 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,720 Hello. Happy holidays. This is happy holidays. 128 00:08:38,220 --> 00:08:39,679 Can I help you? Who is this? 129 00:08:40,059 --> 00:08:41,120 Some Russian nut. I don't know. 130 00:08:41,539 --> 00:08:42,600 Mr. Lubitsch. 131 00:08:42,970 --> 00:08:46,290 Hello. Yes, I'm so sorry about that. Ah, Mr. Helietti. 132 00:08:46,690 --> 00:08:47,850 Are you on the drugs? 133 00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:50,310 Ah, no, no, sir. No, I am paying clean. 134 00:08:50,570 --> 00:08:54,790 I run a very reputable business. I just wanted to let you know I've got the 135 00:08:54,790 --> 00:08:57,190 cashier's check ready, and I can't wait to give it to you. 136 00:08:58,390 --> 00:08:59,390 Mr. Lubitsch? 137 00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:00,950 Hello? 138 00:09:01,270 --> 00:09:02,550 Tomorrow. Okay. 139 00:09:03,190 --> 00:09:04,230 But no drugs. 140 00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:05,470 No drugs. 141 00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:09,390 Okay, Dad, can you just do me a favor and never talk to that man again? 142 00:09:09,670 --> 00:09:10,910 Who, the commie? No, Mr. 143 00:09:11,130 --> 00:09:14,740 Lubitsch. He just... paranoid Russian nut job. It's taken me two years to get 144 00:09:14,740 --> 00:09:16,980 him to trust me enough to give me the thing. What thing? 145 00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:21,900 I'm buying an Imperial Fabergé Christmas egg from him for $150 ,000, and then 146 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:23,040 I'm selling it for $2 million. 147 00:09:24,020 --> 00:09:25,020 $2 million? 148 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:26,160 Seriously? 149 00:09:26,620 --> 00:09:27,620 Yeah. Wow. 150 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,460 You take after your old man. We should do some business. Yeah, except for that 151 00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:35,020 this is real. It's not like you're fishing on a stick debacle. That idea 152 00:09:35,020 --> 00:09:37,640 ahead of its time. You know, you sound like your mother. Yeah, what did you say 153 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:38,640 Mom was again? 154 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:39,760 You know... 155 00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:44,770 Let's go get a drink. I could use a drink. Come on. Let's do it. I don't 156 00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:46,790 go out, Dad. Come on. One drink. 157 00:09:47,370 --> 00:09:48,370 What are you, an elf? 158 00:09:49,070 --> 00:09:50,070 Pussy, let's go. 159 00:09:53,110 --> 00:09:54,590 Hey, what did you say? Marmalade again? 160 00:09:55,330 --> 00:09:56,930 Let's not talk about unpleasant things. 161 00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:58,710 Okay, what's going on? Nothing. 162 00:09:59,010 --> 00:10:00,570 Nothing's going on. Everything's good, really. 163 00:10:00,830 --> 00:10:04,330 You just show up here unannounced. You got... Fine, fine. Look, you want to 164 00:10:04,330 --> 00:10:05,279 my balls? 165 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,540 Look, I didn't want to ruin Christmas for you, all right? Oh, gee, you could 166 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:11,240 never ruin a Christmas. But the fact of the matter is, your mom and I, we're 167 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:13,160 getting a divorce, but it's not a big deal, really, is it? 168 00:10:16,060 --> 00:10:17,200 You're getting a divorce? 169 00:10:17,660 --> 00:10:20,300 It's no big deal. Son, let me explain something to you, all right? 170 00:10:20,860 --> 00:10:25,100 Women are like bananas, all right? When you first get them, they're all 171 00:10:25,100 --> 00:10:29,320 beautiful and yellow with a little hint of green, and then they start to ripen, 172 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:33,800 and they get all brown and mushy, and believe me, son, nobody wants to eat 173 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:38,030 banana, so... Ipso facto, our marriage is better than telco's nothing. 174 00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:39,089 That's it. 175 00:10:39,090 --> 00:10:40,130 Whoa, hey, hey. 176 00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:41,330 What happened? 177 00:10:41,570 --> 00:10:44,390 What did you do? 178 00:10:45,010 --> 00:10:47,530 Me? I didn't do nothing. 179 00:10:47,970 --> 00:10:48,970 Ask her. 180 00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:53,290 She's the one that ran away with the Krav Maga instructor, Eduardo. 181 00:10:53,730 --> 00:10:55,850 Eduardo? Who's Eduardo? 182 00:11:15,810 --> 00:11:17,430 Grant? Grant's here. It's Mom. 183 00:11:18,270 --> 00:11:21,870 Tried your cell. Didn't work. Neither does mine. The reception here is shit. 184 00:11:22,390 --> 00:11:23,930 Did I wake you? 185 00:11:24,510 --> 00:11:25,510 Yes, you did. 186 00:11:26,210 --> 00:11:30,310 I was having a good dream, too. I was dreaming I had a three -foot -long 187 00:11:31,450 --> 00:11:32,450 Who is this? 188 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,060 This is Doug. 189 00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:37,060 Where's Grant? 190 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:39,680 He went out with his dad. 191 00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:41,800 Jerry is there? 192 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:46,280 Yeah. I broke a manure on his head, but he was still down to party. 193 00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:53,080 Doug, I want you to give Grant a very clear message, okay? 194 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:59,880 Tell him not to believe anything his father says until he speaks to me. 195 00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,360 You are frazzled and tense. 196 00:12:14,740 --> 00:12:17,240 I will relax you. 197 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,200 Come on. 198 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:20,520 Mmm. 199 00:12:22,020 --> 00:12:23,160 Mmm. Mmm. 200 00:12:23,460 --> 00:12:24,560 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 201 00:12:24,880 --> 00:12:26,640 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 202 00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,640 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 203 00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:29,300 Mmm. Mmm. 204 00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:30,680 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 205 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:32,960 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 206 00:12:34,160 --> 00:12:34,960 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 207 00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:36,260 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 208 00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:37,519 Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. 209 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:39,020 Mmm. Mmm. 210 00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:41,790 Let's go find some fresh bananas. 211 00:12:47,630 --> 00:12:52,670 Look at the malonies on those two. 212 00:12:53,290 --> 00:12:55,250 Papa's going to get us laid tonight. 213 00:12:56,630 --> 00:12:57,509 Drinks, please. 214 00:12:57,510 --> 00:12:58,970 Four tequilas. Thank you. 215 00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:01,190 Look, are you sure you don't want to talk about this? 216 00:13:01,510 --> 00:13:04,270 I don't want to talk. What's done is done. No, really. 217 00:13:04,530 --> 00:13:06,470 Dad, I'm telling you, you're really hurting. 218 00:13:07,270 --> 00:13:09,650 I'm fine, all right? I'm really, I'm okay. 219 00:13:09,910 --> 00:13:12,310 End of conversation, all right? I'm doing good. 220 00:13:12,550 --> 00:13:13,690 Can I get those shots? 221 00:13:14,710 --> 00:13:16,330 Yeah, I can tell you're in perfect mental health. 222 00:13:18,690 --> 00:13:23,450 So, uh, which one do you want? The blonde or the brunette? I'll take either 223 00:13:23,990 --> 00:13:24,990 Oh, neither. 224 00:13:25,210 --> 00:13:26,750 I'm kind of through with love. 225 00:13:27,070 --> 00:13:28,610 Through with love? You're a young man. 226 00:13:29,530 --> 00:13:34,070 Yeah, but what's the point, right? I mean, you and Mom can't make it. What 227 00:13:34,070 --> 00:13:36,310 chance do I have? This is the best time of your life. 228 00:13:36,830 --> 00:13:41,350 This is it. Oh, God, don't say that. Really, a man of your age should be 229 00:13:41,350 --> 00:13:45,090 sex at least twice a day with every type of woman on the planet. 230 00:13:45,310 --> 00:13:50,590 Island women, Eskimos, Swedes with blonde muffs, Brazilians with no muffs. 231 00:13:50,610 --> 00:13:54,810 no muffs, please. Besides, it's bad for your health. You know how much semen you 232 00:13:54,810 --> 00:13:58,970 got stored up in your pecker? My pecker is my business. Please don't. Thank you. 233 00:13:59,110 --> 00:14:04,970 Yeah? Well, get ready, kiddo, because you are about to lose some serious 234 00:14:05,210 --> 00:14:06,210 I'm going in. 235 00:14:13,710 --> 00:14:15,550 Jerry Coletti, nice to meet you. 236 00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:18,030 I'm a major producer here in Hollywood. 237 00:14:18,270 --> 00:14:20,050 Hola, this is Rose. 238 00:14:20,370 --> 00:14:21,590 I'll leave you a message. 239 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,569 Hey, Ma. 240 00:14:23,570 --> 00:14:26,570 I'm also in the fish book. What is going on with you and Dad? 241 00:14:26,850 --> 00:14:33,570 I mean, he shows up out of nowhere and he's ranting about bananas and semen. I 242 00:14:33,570 --> 00:14:37,750 create fish dishes that no one has ever conceived of before. 243 00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:43,860 Give me a call as soon as you get this. Anyway, nice talking to you. 244 00:14:44,260 --> 00:14:45,260 All right, bye. 245 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:46,280 It's great. 246 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,260 How'd it go, Maverick? 247 00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:50,739 Place sucks. 248 00:14:50,740 --> 00:14:51,860 Let's go someplace else. 249 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:53,700 Welcome to my world. 250 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:57,360 Woo! 251 00:14:59,380 --> 00:15:02,040 Nothing like the comfort of a good city bar, huh, son? 252 00:15:02,420 --> 00:15:05,160 I don't usually come to places like this. Why not? 253 00:15:05,380 --> 00:15:06,380 This is art. 254 00:15:07,220 --> 00:15:08,240 I'll get you a lap band. 255 00:15:08,620 --> 00:15:11,260 Oh, no, no, no, no. You're going to have to go through this midlife crisis 256 00:15:11,260 --> 00:15:12,260 without me. Come on, relax. 257 00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:13,760 Enjoy yourself. Don't touch me. 258 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:15,420 Don't touch me. We're bonding. 259 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:16,259 We're bonding. 260 00:15:16,260 --> 00:15:18,640 This is officially the creepiest moment of my life. 261 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,200 Lose some money? There's an ATM right there. I don't believe in ATMs. Come on, 262 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:25,879 come on. 263 00:15:25,880 --> 00:15:27,700 All righty, sure. 264 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:29,509 There you go. 265 00:15:29,510 --> 00:15:31,370 And I've got something for you. 266 00:15:31,730 --> 00:15:34,850 See how he did that? Right down the middle. Yes, I saw that. 267 00:15:35,150 --> 00:15:39,090 Happy Hanukkah and happy Kwanzaa. God bless you, baby. 268 00:15:39,470 --> 00:15:43,870 Hey, I'm trying to watch the Muff Channel here in peace and quiet, huh? 269 00:15:43,870 --> 00:15:46,770 you and your boyfriend there could shut your mouths or maybe we could come over 270 00:15:46,770 --> 00:15:50,110 there and shut them for you. Yeah? Yeah. Well, he happens to be my son, asshole. 271 00:15:50,410 --> 00:15:51,410 And he's straight. 272 00:15:51,830 --> 00:15:52,830 You are, aren't you? 273 00:15:53,490 --> 00:15:55,230 Yeah. Yes, I am. 274 00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:56,469 I am. 275 00:15:56,470 --> 00:15:58,310 All right, all right, all right. 276 00:15:58,610 --> 00:16:01,890 Gentlemen, get your hands out of your pants and put them together for our new 277 00:16:01,890 --> 00:16:05,510 gal. She's a little nervous, so let's give her a great big warm welcome. 278 00:16:08,450 --> 00:16:09,450 Here's the fire. 279 00:17:09,609 --> 00:17:13,609 here because i got fired from the starbucks which was oh don't even ask 280 00:17:13,609 --> 00:17:20,290 cares just show us your tits yeah come on baby show us your tits one at a 281 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:26,930 time that is just plain rude show some skin little 282 00:17:26,930 --> 00:17:31,310 girl give them their money's worth get off the stage you stupid bitch 283 00:18:17,870 --> 00:18:20,330 City, city. Hey, hey, show some respect. 284 00:18:22,170 --> 00:18:23,170 Sorry, 285 00:18:31,410 --> 00:18:37,290 Mr. Kuznets. 286 00:18:38,190 --> 00:18:41,030 For a guy who couldn't see, your husband was a great worker. 287 00:18:42,970 --> 00:18:44,210 Is there anything we can do? 288 00:18:45,070 --> 00:18:46,890 Tell me, how did he die? 289 00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:52,110 Packing a baby Jesus and some star bone peanut. 290 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,970 He so loved the holidays. 291 00:18:57,610 --> 00:18:59,070 Would you like to keep the baby Jesus? 292 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:00,430 No. 293 00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:01,670 We're Jewish. 294 00:19:02,230 --> 00:19:03,610 Uh, Doug. 295 00:19:04,610 --> 00:19:08,650 Doug, can you get a menorah, three dreidels, and a Hanukkah Harry? 296 00:19:09,030 --> 00:19:10,850 Okay. Bye, Mr. and Mrs. Jesus. 297 00:19:11,130 --> 00:19:12,650 Rest in peace, soldier. 298 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:20,280 How about a corned beef stew? 299 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:21,920 I can't eat. 300 00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:25,480 We've got a pile of shipping and all my help is headed to the graveyard. 301 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:27,160 Relax. 302 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,020 Papa's got it all taken care of. 303 00:19:37,220 --> 00:19:38,220 Who's that? 304 00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:43,860 Darlene Pickett. That's right. Candle making, auto repair, chicken plucking. 305 00:19:44,910 --> 00:19:46,150 It's a very eclectic resume. 306 00:19:46,410 --> 00:19:47,410 Why, thank you, Grant. 307 00:19:47,690 --> 00:19:53,050 That is so sweet of you. And let me just say to you both, thank you so much for 308 00:19:53,050 --> 00:19:54,810 your help the other night with that fuss. 309 00:19:55,070 --> 00:19:58,230 Woo! We got ourselves into a hot mess there, didn't we? 310 00:19:58,950 --> 00:19:59,950 Sapphire? 311 00:20:00,210 --> 00:20:04,810 That's right. Well, the actual name is Darlene. It's nice to officially meet 312 00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:08,790 you. Yeah, I didn't recognize you without the, um, nighty... Oh, why, 313 00:20:09,340 --> 00:20:10,840 I suppose I do look a little different. 314 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:15,020 You know, I thought I could do it. I really did. I thought I could. Turns out 315 00:20:15,020 --> 00:20:17,380 can't shimmy the twins and Abe Lincoln for just anybody. 316 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:18,680 Abe Lincoln. 317 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:24,260 So now you're here for some reason. 318 00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:29,180 We were chatting last night in the parking lot while you were dealing with 319 00:20:29,180 --> 00:20:33,280 security guy paying him off. Sorry about that. But your daddy here, he told me 320 00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:35,840 about your troubles, so here I am to help out. 321 00:20:36,090 --> 00:20:41,110 And I'll do anything that doesn't involve illegal firearms, webcams, or 322 00:20:41,110 --> 00:20:45,810 frying. Oh, and I don't take smoking breaks, but I do take sunshine breaks. 323 00:20:46,030 --> 00:20:47,110 you're funny. 324 00:20:47,510 --> 00:20:48,950 She's great. Isn't she great? 325 00:20:49,190 --> 00:20:51,090 Oh, thank you. That's so sweet. 326 00:20:51,390 --> 00:20:52,390 Can I ask you a question? 327 00:20:52,890 --> 00:20:55,750 Darlene, have you ever been convicted of any crimes? 328 00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:01,970 No, 329 00:21:02,150 --> 00:21:03,150 Grant. 330 00:21:03,710 --> 00:21:05,390 No, I have not. No. 331 00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:12,360 Not moonshine smuggling or cow tipping. Hey, what's the matter with you? I'm 332 00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:14,420 just interviewing her. What are you doing? You're acting like an educated 333 00:21:14,420 --> 00:21:16,100 There's no way to treat a lady. Stop it. 334 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:19,920 Sweetheart, are you married? 335 00:21:20,640 --> 00:21:23,820 No. No, I'm not. Really? Are you seeing anyone? 336 00:21:24,660 --> 00:21:27,320 Well, now, that really isn't any of your business. 337 00:21:27,900 --> 00:21:32,480 I only ask because it's on the form. I have to fill out for the government's 338 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:33,680 form. Well. 339 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:36,600 If you must know, I'm on a man fact. 340 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,240 Really? I'm on a woman fact. 341 00:21:39,480 --> 00:21:43,260 I can tell because you've got that whole I'm cute, but I've got real issues with 342 00:21:43,260 --> 00:21:46,080 women thing going on. I don't have any issues with women. 343 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:51,040 What I meant was, if you were in a relationship, you probably wouldn't be 344 00:21:51,040 --> 00:21:52,900 strip club with your... Oh, no, no, no. 345 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,320 He dragged me there. What are you talking about, I dragged you there? 346 00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,280 I'm from out of town. How would I know where to find his people? You knew 347 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,180 exactly where you were going. I didn't know. What are you talking about? He 348 00:22:03,180 --> 00:22:05,260 tells me, he says, Dad, you've got to go to this place. 349 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:06,880 It's called the Champagne Room. 350 00:22:07,140 --> 00:22:08,520 He says, we'll get happy endings. 351 00:22:08,740 --> 00:22:10,600 Happy endings? I've never said anything like that. 352 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:14,160 I've never said happy endings in my life. He said that, and he also said, he 353 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,880 said, Dad, you've got to come to this place. It's Titty City. 354 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,299 You're a liar. 355 00:22:18,300 --> 00:22:20,480 I never say that. You're a liar. Rudeness. 356 00:22:20,910 --> 00:22:25,650 Yeah, I don't think this is going to work out. I really don't. No, no. Very 357 00:22:25,650 --> 00:22:28,150 meeting you. Thank you, Jerry, for all your help. 358 00:22:28,670 --> 00:22:29,670 Merry Christmas. 359 00:22:29,770 --> 00:22:30,669 Yeah, Merry Christmas. 360 00:22:30,670 --> 00:22:31,670 Y 'all be sweet. 361 00:22:33,110 --> 00:22:34,570 Ow! You little bastard. 362 00:22:34,770 --> 00:22:37,030 Ow! I changed your shit diapers. 363 00:22:37,310 --> 00:22:39,990 Ow! You can do this for me, right? Do it for me. Okay, ow! 364 00:22:40,290 --> 00:22:41,650 Ow! Darlene! 365 00:22:42,150 --> 00:22:45,590 Darlene! Um, uh, can you, can you rap? 366 00:22:46,350 --> 00:22:47,450 Better than unwrap. 367 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,300 Quick. Look at that bean. 368 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,560 Look at that stuff. 369 00:22:56,280 --> 00:22:57,840 Look at her ass. 370 00:22:58,740 --> 00:23:01,960 She is hired. Come on. 371 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,780 How's ten bucks an hour? 372 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,160 Fifteen. Fifteen sounds great. Twelve. 373 00:23:06,440 --> 00:23:07,440 Deal. 374 00:23:09,940 --> 00:23:10,940 That's okay. 375 00:23:11,360 --> 00:23:12,360 Doug, 376 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,280 she smells like vanilla bean ice cream. Hey. 377 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:20,110 So... Jerry, I should probably get to work. 378 00:23:20,850 --> 00:23:23,850 You know, I just got a divorce. 379 00:23:24,790 --> 00:23:26,450 Oh, dear. Really? 380 00:23:28,010 --> 00:23:30,550 That's terrible, Jerry. I'm so sorry. 381 00:23:48,580 --> 00:23:53,420 Well, I should probably get to work, and I can't work with you standing there. 382 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,660 Of course, of course, absolutely. 383 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:58,020 Anyway, I just want to welcome you aboard. 384 00:23:58,340 --> 00:24:01,360 Well, thank you. Thank you so much. Hello, Mr. Harrington. 385 00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:05,540 Yeah, I just wanted to let you know that I will have the egg by tomorrow, so... 386 00:24:05,540 --> 00:24:07,020 So, 387 00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:14,720 yeah, so if you could just... Wednesday will be mine. 388 00:24:15,580 --> 00:24:22,400 Uh, um, uh, so I... Me? Um, yeah, yeah, so, uh, 389 00:24:22,420 --> 00:24:25,760 Wednesday would be great. Uh, three, two or three. Could you just hold on one 390 00:24:25,760 --> 00:24:27,640 second? Can I help you? You're in my drawers. 391 00:24:27,900 --> 00:24:29,000 Well, there's not much in there. 392 00:24:29,260 --> 00:24:31,300 Ah, what do you need? I need some tape. 393 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:33,060 Christmas. And just wait now. 394 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:34,920 Oh, 395 00:24:36,500 --> 00:24:38,300 yay, thank you. No problem. 396 00:24:43,260 --> 00:24:45,140 Uh, um... Um, uh, yes. 397 00:24:45,580 --> 00:24:47,320 Sorry. So I'll see you in three days. 398 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:48,600 Okay. 399 00:24:48,860 --> 00:24:50,300 Bye, Mr. Harrington. 400 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,200 Miss Pickett, um, you're going to be working here. I think that there's 401 00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,320 something we need to clear up. 402 00:25:04,660 --> 00:25:06,840 Uh, you are smart and beautiful. 403 00:25:07,340 --> 00:25:10,660 Uh, and at the risk of sounding arrogant, I think there might be a 404 00:25:10,660 --> 00:25:12,760 attraction between us. Am I off? 405 00:25:14,380 --> 00:25:15,199 Go on. 406 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:16,860 But love is an impossibility. 407 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:21,080 Yeah, maybe in the old days love had a chance, you know, when the punishment 408 00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,660 divorce was being stoned to death. But now, I mean, what's the point in even 409 00:25:24,660 --> 00:25:29,180 trying? For instance, my parents, all right? I thought they had something 410 00:25:29,380 --> 00:25:31,000 And you know what? Poof, it's gone. 411 00:25:31,380 --> 00:25:34,340 Do you know any couple that's been together for more than one month? 412 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:38,240 My Aunt Polly and Uncle Homer. They have 16 kids together. 16! 413 00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,340 Yeah, but are they happy? 414 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:45,640 He's too busy having babies, you think? 415 00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:48,080 You know, 416 00:25:49,820 --> 00:25:52,140 I think you're right. 417 00:25:53,180 --> 00:25:54,860 Love simply does not exist. 418 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:59,200 Yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, you can't trust anything anymore. The news, 419 00:25:59,260 --> 00:26:02,940 politicians. Hell, even my soap lies to me when it tells me it's going to take 420 00:26:02,940 --> 00:26:07,320 years off my face. Yeah, it does. So how am I supposed to trust some goo -goo 421 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:12,000 -eye boy when he tells me that he loves me? This is my point. This is exactly my 422 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:12,969 point. I know. 423 00:26:12,970 --> 00:26:17,330 They say that 50 % of marriages end in divorce. 50 %! I think it has got to be 424 00:26:17,330 --> 00:26:18,450 more like 90, don't you think? 425 00:26:19,150 --> 00:26:22,390 100%. Screw love! Yeah, screw it right into the ground. I am glad we had this 426 00:26:22,390 --> 00:26:25,430 talk. Me too. Thank you, Miss Pickett. You as well. Great work. All right. 427 00:26:38,790 --> 00:26:40,350 Hey, how do I look, baby? 428 00:26:41,730 --> 00:26:43,990 Like a... Bounce her in a Persian nightclub. 429 00:26:44,690 --> 00:26:48,030 What did you do to your hair, pops? 430 00:26:48,670 --> 00:26:51,870 No, no, no, don't touch, don't touch. This cost me a lot of money. It washes 431 00:26:51,870 --> 00:26:53,770 out, it washes out. It's all like the younger, right? 432 00:26:54,490 --> 00:26:58,550 Yeah, yeah, like Hugh Hefner's nutsack. Yeah, screw you. She's going to love it, 433 00:26:58,570 --> 00:27:00,630 man. She's going to love it. More boxes, y 'all. 434 00:27:04,470 --> 00:27:05,470 Look at her. 435 00:27:05,990 --> 00:27:12,320 She's an angel sent by God to raise my spirit, among other things. Come on. Put 436 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:13,320 your dilly down. Let's go. 437 00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:15,820 Just leave her be, okay, Pop? 438 00:27:16,060 --> 00:27:19,080 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Just because you swore off women doesn't mean I... 439 00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,080 She's young enough to be your daughter. 440 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:23,280 What are you, my priest? 441 00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:26,180 Wait a second. 442 00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:28,240 Are you interested in her? 443 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:30,040 No. No way. 444 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:32,200 That's good, because I saw her first. 445 00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:33,500 Well, be my guest. 446 00:27:33,710 --> 00:27:36,710 Thank you, I will. Hey, now that you stand a chance in hell, your dating shop 447 00:27:36,710 --> 00:27:37,710 was in 1975. 448 00:27:37,930 --> 00:27:38,389 Oh, yeah? 449 00:27:38,390 --> 00:27:39,910 Yeah. You know what I did in 1975? 450 00:27:40,390 --> 00:27:43,170 What? I banged every waitress at Studio 54. 451 00:27:44,510 --> 00:27:45,770 Seriously? Twice. 452 00:27:47,530 --> 00:27:49,650 Just leave her alone, okay? 453 00:27:49,970 --> 00:27:53,410 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this leave her alone? If you don't care, then 454 00:27:53,410 --> 00:27:56,010 why are you yapping your mouth? Why are you yapping your mouth? So shut your 455 00:27:56,010 --> 00:27:57,950 mouth. Maybe you should shut your mouth. Shut your big mouth. All right, I'll 456 00:27:57,950 --> 00:28:00,630 shut up. You go show her at the club Ahmed, okay? Nice highlight. 457 00:28:09,130 --> 00:28:11,370 Who is this handsome thing before me? 458 00:28:11,730 --> 00:28:13,390 Tell the truth. I'm hot, right? 459 00:28:14,190 --> 00:28:15,230 Of course, Jane. 460 00:28:15,750 --> 00:28:17,550 And I'm vaguely Persian. 461 00:28:17,950 --> 00:28:20,870 Your ex -wife has no idea what she's missing. 462 00:28:21,110 --> 00:28:23,470 Yeah, well, fuck her. Pardon my French. 463 00:28:25,350 --> 00:28:27,910 Wow. This is beautiful. Cheers. 464 00:28:28,470 --> 00:28:29,470 What are you doing? 465 00:28:30,430 --> 00:28:31,690 Look at him. 466 00:28:32,170 --> 00:28:35,050 She's a nice girl and he's treating her like a piece of meat. Believe it or not, 467 00:28:35,090 --> 00:28:36,830 my dad was quite a coxswain back in the day. 468 00:28:39,870 --> 00:28:41,410 Wait, do you like her? 469 00:28:42,630 --> 00:28:44,310 Like her? No, no, no. 470 00:28:44,690 --> 00:28:48,050 I don't trust her. I think she's playing my dad. 471 00:28:48,310 --> 00:28:50,530 So, where are you off to looking so fun? 472 00:28:50,930 --> 00:28:56,810 Only to the hottest club in Hollywood, and I would like you to be my date. 473 00:28:57,350 --> 00:28:58,350 Oh. 474 00:28:59,210 --> 00:29:03,310 Oh, well, Jerry, I don't mix business and pleasure. 475 00:29:03,550 --> 00:29:05,770 Hey, baby, I don't work at this shithole. 476 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:07,420 I'm all pleasure. 477 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:08,720 Oh, is that so? 478 00:29:09,740 --> 00:29:10,740 Dude, 479 00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:15,360 your dad is going to boom, darling. 480 00:29:16,020 --> 00:29:19,280 I could use a little fun in my life. I really could. 481 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:22,220 All right. 482 00:29:22,820 --> 00:29:24,380 It's a date. It's a date. 483 00:29:24,900 --> 00:29:25,900 Plus, 484 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:31,220 there's a favor I've been meaning to ask you. Ooh, ask away. 485 00:29:31,660 --> 00:29:32,940 I knew it. 486 00:29:33,140 --> 00:29:34,460 I love what you do with your hair. 487 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:36,700 You're dead. He is the cops. 488 00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:38,000 Okay. All right. 489 00:29:38,220 --> 00:29:40,060 Okay. Momento mate. 490 00:29:41,420 --> 00:29:42,420 Momento mate. 491 00:30:18,060 --> 00:30:19,060 Five bucks. 492 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:20,940 It's all for you, my man. 493 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:22,440 All for you. 494 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:23,940 Oh, this is ridiculous. 495 00:30:24,620 --> 00:30:26,180 He's way too old for her. 496 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:27,560 I agree. 497 00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:30,560 Hey, is that Kate? 498 00:30:31,420 --> 00:30:32,420 Grant, it's Kate! 499 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:33,560 Ah! 500 00:30:33,780 --> 00:30:34,940 This is Billy. 501 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,840 We're going to cat see ya. Billy loves the oysters. 502 00:30:39,860 --> 00:30:41,500 Good seeing ya. Yeah. Bye. 503 00:30:43,220 --> 00:30:45,780 Did you see the size of the rope around that guy's neck? 504 00:30:46,450 --> 00:30:50,210 One thing, it wasn't that big of a chain. It's the biggest chain I've ever 505 00:30:50,230 --> 00:30:50,949 Screw it, Ari. 506 00:30:50,950 --> 00:30:56,270 I got a plan. I come up with ideas for fish that no one's thought of before. 507 00:30:56,270 --> 00:30:59,810 fish ideas? Just fish? All fish, but it's amazing what you can do with fish. 508 00:31:00,050 --> 00:31:04,550 It really is. People don't do enough with fish. Excuse me, can I just talk to 509 00:31:04,550 --> 00:31:05,830 you for a second? No, you can't. 510 00:31:06,410 --> 00:31:08,270 Let me just talk to you for one second. 511 00:31:08,650 --> 00:31:12,610 No, no, thank you, no. I think I've already paid your mortgage, so no, thank 512 00:31:12,610 --> 00:31:14,030 you. I'm sorry, I hate when they do that. 513 00:31:20,679 --> 00:31:23,780 Oh, hell no. No, no, no, no. The old geezer was a stretch. 514 00:31:24,100 --> 00:31:25,800 Oh, come on. Pretty please. 515 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:31,220 Baby, unless these guys have girls as cute as you, they ain't getting that. 516 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:32,840 Will they do? 517 00:31:37,780 --> 00:31:38,780 Hi. 518 00:31:43,540 --> 00:31:44,560 I hope you don't mind. 519 00:31:44,980 --> 00:31:45,980 I'm not a secret. 520 00:31:46,250 --> 00:31:47,109 I don't mind. 521 00:31:47,110 --> 00:31:48,810 Sorry, Willie. I don't mind. Thank you. 522 00:31:50,490 --> 00:31:51,630 Jerry, come on. 523 00:31:52,670 --> 00:31:53,670 Oh, 524 00:31:56,570 --> 00:32:05,750 lesbians. 525 00:32:06,170 --> 00:32:08,790 The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. 526 00:32:15,120 --> 00:32:16,120 I'm going to save the old man. 527 00:32:16,220 --> 00:32:18,160 I'm going to stay here and watch this. 528 00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:20,120 More. 529 00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:25,740 Hey, Mr. Roboto, you're embarrassing yourself. 530 00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:27,360 Yeah? Yeah. 531 00:32:27,580 --> 00:32:28,580 Yeah. 532 00:32:28,980 --> 00:32:30,420 Let's see what you got, all right, buddy? 533 00:32:30,660 --> 00:32:32,300 Take it away. The dance floor is yours. 534 00:32:34,700 --> 00:32:36,820 I don't dance. 535 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,440 Oh, come on. 536 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:40,160 Boring. 537 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:43,620 Hey. Hey. 538 00:32:43,950 --> 00:32:45,230 Can I have your attention, please? 539 00:32:45,570 --> 00:32:48,950 Hey, hey, Beardo, could you do me a favor, man? I can't dance to this creepy 540 00:32:48,950 --> 00:32:52,970 stuff. Could you play something, like, for my generation, something I can 541 00:32:52,970 --> 00:32:53,869 to? No. 542 00:32:53,870 --> 00:32:54,990 This is a nightclub. 543 00:32:56,150 --> 00:32:58,050 All right. You won't do it for me? 544 00:32:58,410 --> 00:33:03,350 Maybe you'll do it for Mr. George Washington and his twin, Mr. 545 00:33:03,550 --> 00:33:04,550 George Washington? 546 00:33:08,170 --> 00:33:09,149 Thanks, baby. 547 00:33:09,150 --> 00:33:10,139 And look. 548 00:33:10,140 --> 00:33:14,300 Whatever you do, make it hot. Hot. Like really sexy. Got a really hot chick out 549 00:33:14,300 --> 00:33:15,860 there. Sexy, okay? 550 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:17,960 Sexy. Sexy. You want sexy? 551 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:19,480 Sexy. Sexy. 552 00:33:19,860 --> 00:33:22,760 Okay. Love you. All right. All right. I got something for you. 553 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:24,000 Okay. 554 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,320 Thank you very much. 555 00:33:30,940 --> 00:33:33,580 Nice. A little space here, kids. I don't want you to get hurt. 556 00:33:33,820 --> 00:33:35,180 Just give me a little space. Back off. 557 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:36,480 Here we go. 558 00:33:41,220 --> 00:33:42,620 Oh, my God. 559 00:35:21,410 --> 00:35:23,010 Out of the question. Why not? 560 00:35:23,750 --> 00:35:25,230 Because she's playing you, Dad. 561 00:35:25,510 --> 00:35:26,510 She's an angel. 562 00:35:26,590 --> 00:35:28,650 Uh, she's a stripper. Hey, don't judge her. 563 00:35:29,090 --> 00:35:32,710 Look, if she stays with us, she's going to split our throats and rob us blind. 564 00:35:33,310 --> 00:35:34,710 You know, what are you, insane? 565 00:35:35,790 --> 00:35:36,790 Am I insane? 566 00:35:36,990 --> 00:35:38,030 Am I insane? 567 00:35:38,610 --> 00:35:41,990 Okay, how about this? Uh, yeah, I dated a girl for about three months, things 568 00:35:41,990 --> 00:35:45,490 were going great, and then suddenly one day I wake up and she's gone and so is 569 00:35:45,490 --> 00:35:48,790 all my shit and someone took a dump in the sink. So maybe I'm insane, yeah. 570 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,320 You know, you do have issues with women. No way. You can't live with them. They 571 00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:55,120 look like the dirty Sanchez type. 572 00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,200 That dumb guy was the kind of guy that would give you girl masks. 573 00:35:58,480 --> 00:35:59,480 Oh, my God. 574 00:35:59,620 --> 00:36:01,760 Or a Colombian hot pocket. Oh! 575 00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:06,660 Love it. Look, I know that you're going through a tough time, but I'm not going 576 00:36:06,660 --> 00:36:07,680 to let you get played, Dad. 577 00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:08,880 Don't you see, son? 578 00:36:09,260 --> 00:36:10,540 I want to be played. 579 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:16,080 I want to be fondled. She likes me. God smiles upon me. Let me have this, son, 580 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:17,078 please. 581 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:18,460 It's a dying man's wish. 582 00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:21,260 You're not dying. 583 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,660 Your mother, she killed me. 584 00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:39,880 Grant's phone. 585 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:41,180 Oh, hold the hug. 586 00:36:41,520 --> 00:36:42,520 Where's Grant? 587 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,600 Roof? You are a bad person. 588 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:49,300 You broke a good man's heart and Grant's too. How dare... 589 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,680 Doug, you imbecile. I'm calling from Mexico. 590 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:54,819 Yes, Grant. 591 00:36:54,820 --> 00:36:55,820 This is an emergency. 592 00:36:56,420 --> 00:37:02,560 Please. I am standing in chicken shit. Now, just put them on the phone. 593 00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:05,780 No, I will not put them on the phone. Do you know why? 594 00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,060 Because they're with gorgeous hotties right now. 595 00:37:09,320 --> 00:37:10,320 What? 596 00:37:10,700 --> 00:37:11,700 Oh. 597 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:16,820 You tell them I'm coming to Los Angeles. Capisce? 598 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,480 No. You are not welcome in Los Angeles. 599 00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:24,120 It's not true. 600 00:38:03,189 --> 00:38:04,730 What are you doing? 601 00:38:06,070 --> 00:38:07,850 The damn jeans made my butt itch. 602 00:38:08,510 --> 00:38:11,430 Could you not rub your ass on my sheets? Go to the couch. 603 00:38:11,690 --> 00:38:13,350 Oh, Doug's on the couch. It's okay. It's okay. 604 00:38:14,210 --> 00:38:16,390 It's all right. It's good now. It's good. It's good. 605 00:38:17,570 --> 00:38:20,290 It was a great plan. It really worked. 606 00:38:20,890 --> 00:38:22,490 So she's not ready to sleep with me tonight. 607 00:38:22,810 --> 00:38:26,490 So tomorrow night, you get the air mattress, I get Abe Lincoln. 608 00:38:27,010 --> 00:38:30,030 Sleep tight, Chooch. I love you, buddy. Oh, don't touch me. Good night. 609 00:38:30,270 --> 00:38:31,270 Good night. 610 00:38:34,510 --> 00:38:36,550 A little night music for you. 611 00:39:36,080 --> 00:39:38,540 A gentleman always announces his fail. 612 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:42,880 What are you doing? 613 00:39:43,220 --> 00:39:44,920 Come take a look if you must. 614 00:39:50,240 --> 00:39:51,340 Well, husbandry? 615 00:39:51,580 --> 00:39:52,880 What the hell is that? 616 00:39:53,760 --> 00:39:55,840 What? You're in college? 617 00:39:56,140 --> 00:39:58,020 I am. Don't sound so shocked. 618 00:39:58,280 --> 00:39:59,280 You're in college. 619 00:39:59,420 --> 00:40:00,680 Say it again and I'll zap you. 620 00:40:01,700 --> 00:40:02,880 Why didn't you say anything? 621 00:40:03,690 --> 00:40:06,430 Would you move, please? I am taking a test and it is timed. 622 00:40:07,830 --> 00:40:08,830 Okay. 623 00:40:10,130 --> 00:40:12,270 I'm not gonna puke. 624 00:40:15,530 --> 00:40:20,750 I'm not gonna... Oh, God. Oh, God, help me. 625 00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:39,360 You have to be so secretive. I wouldn't let you use the computer. I don't tell 626 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:41,500 anybody about this, not even my closest friends. 627 00:40:41,860 --> 00:40:42,860 Why not? 628 00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:47,840 Because if I fail, it's just going to be another one of Darlene Pickett's dumb 629 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:52,400 dreams. Now, just hush up, okay? I'm trying to concentrate here. 630 00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:55,720 What is that, like a water bottle? 631 00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:57,480 It's a betoniac. 632 00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:00,900 Subspecies Bosgrunius mutus. 633 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:05,840 In Mongolia, yak milk is most commonly used as an aphrodisiac. 634 00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:11,140 And the male yak, the bull, he meets with hundreds and hundreds of cows, 635 00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,540 sometimes wearing out his sex organs. 636 00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:15,640 Some yaks have all the luck. 637 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:20,260 Oh, you got it right. 638 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:23,880 How do you like that? You know a lot about yaks. I'm impressed. 639 00:41:24,220 --> 00:41:25,400 You think you know a person. 640 00:41:25,960 --> 00:41:27,060 Yeah, too true. 641 00:41:27,710 --> 00:41:31,410 Too true. Like, I thought you were a real good guy when you punched out that 642 00:41:31,410 --> 00:41:32,550 jerk at the strip club. 643 00:41:33,170 --> 00:41:36,190 But it turns out you're just a creep worthy of being tased. 644 00:41:36,710 --> 00:41:38,690 That's only because I thought I saw you on cops. 645 00:41:41,070 --> 00:41:42,670 Oh, oh, I love this one. 646 00:41:43,450 --> 00:41:45,790 Lupus Canis of the Order of Carnivora. 647 00:41:46,630 --> 00:41:49,110 She's a ferocious, ferocious killer. 648 00:41:49,330 --> 00:41:50,790 Yeah. Merciless, Hunter. 649 00:41:51,150 --> 00:41:54,830 But when she finds her mate, she loves him for life. 650 00:41:55,670 --> 00:41:56,910 How do they find each other? 651 00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,320 They're drawn to the smell of each other's butts. 652 00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,140 If only we're that easy with humans. 653 00:42:02,680 --> 00:42:03,680 Sometimes it is. 654 00:42:04,460 --> 00:42:05,800 They're the people I've smelled. 655 00:42:08,580 --> 00:42:10,520 You're a curious man, Grant. 656 00:42:11,060 --> 00:42:14,440 You were young and successful, and yet you're still so depressed. 657 00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:16,600 You're a thousand scuppernogs. 658 00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:21,540 Well, I guess if you don't have someone to share it with, it doesn't mean so 659 00:42:21,540 --> 00:42:22,540 much. 660 00:42:28,300 --> 00:42:29,300 I try not to be. 661 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:38,940 All right. Well, I will leave you to your test. Oh, okay. Thank you. Okay. 662 00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:41,080 Good night. 663 00:42:57,910 --> 00:42:58,910 Jesus. 664 00:42:59,550 --> 00:43:00,550 Where were you? 665 00:43:01,030 --> 00:43:02,030 In the bathroom. 666 00:43:02,250 --> 00:43:03,310 Oh, no, you weren't in the bathroom. 667 00:43:03,730 --> 00:43:04,730 Doug's in the bathroom. 668 00:43:05,230 --> 00:43:07,870 And I know because I went down there. 669 00:43:08,610 --> 00:43:14,130 And while I was down there, I heard two little elves chattering away in the 670 00:43:14,130 --> 00:43:15,130 office. No. 671 00:43:15,210 --> 00:43:17,130 Oh, yeah, you don't know what you think they were talking about. 672 00:43:19,190 --> 00:43:22,050 Aphrodisiacs and mutual butt -sniffing? 673 00:43:22,530 --> 00:43:25,910 It's not what you think. Oh, it's what I think, all right. What do you think, 674 00:43:25,930 --> 00:43:26,759 I'm an idiot? 675 00:43:26,760 --> 00:43:27,920 Let me tell you something, little man. 676 00:43:28,280 --> 00:43:31,880 Papa's onto you. I'm watching every move you make. You understand me? 677 00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:16,960 The Russians are going to be here any minute now. 678 00:44:17,720 --> 00:44:20,760 Goodness gracious, Aunt Matilda, that does not look good. 679 00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:25,300 No. Shit, he needs help, eh? He's extremely dehydrated. 680 00:44:25,740 --> 00:44:26,740 We need an ambulance. 681 00:44:27,060 --> 00:44:30,180 No, no, no, no ambulances, no. No, no, the Russians need an ambulance. 682 00:44:30,380 --> 00:44:32,180 I'm going to lose him, I'll never get him back. He's like a frightened 683 00:44:32,180 --> 00:44:33,860 chihuahua. You know, just fix him. 684 00:44:34,100 --> 00:44:34,879 What, me? 685 00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,460 What? I can't fix him, I'm not even a vet. 686 00:44:37,720 --> 00:44:38,860 You know animals. 687 00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:40,600 You, an animal. 688 00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,100 I do know how to hydrate a horse. 689 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:53,360 Come on, hang in there, buddy. 690 00:44:55,720 --> 00:44:56,720 Use your legs, 691 00:44:57,480 --> 00:44:58,700 son. When you're lifting, always lift. 692 00:44:59,780 --> 00:45:03,660 All right. 693 00:45:04,260 --> 00:45:07,880 Get me a mallet, a pitcher of water, two cups of salt, and a funnel. 694 00:45:13,520 --> 00:45:14,780 You think I'm going to let you be the hero? 695 00:45:15,620 --> 00:45:16,620 He's my friend. 696 00:45:18,540 --> 00:45:21,900 What are you doing? 697 00:45:22,140 --> 00:45:23,740 I'm checking his level of dehydration. 698 00:45:24,740 --> 00:45:25,740 Like that? 699 00:45:25,860 --> 00:45:28,860 Works on horses. Oh, good night in the morning. It's worse than I thought. 700 00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:30,360 Put the phone on his mouth. 701 00:45:30,680 --> 00:45:32,300 Give me it. I'll do it. I'll do it. You'll kill him. Okay, 702 00:45:33,460 --> 00:45:35,040 fine. I was going to get to you anyway. 703 00:45:35,980 --> 00:45:36,980 Poor. 704 00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:56,600 You take care of him, we'll take care of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go play with 705 00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:57,600 the rag. 706 00:45:58,420 --> 00:46:04,060 Check his reflexes. 707 00:46:04,340 --> 00:46:06,740 Mr. Lubitsch! Hello! Ah, hello! 708 00:46:06,980 --> 00:46:08,440 Hey, I'm so glad you could make it. 709 00:46:08,680 --> 00:46:09,680 Why are you shouting? 710 00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:11,900 Oh, I'm not shouting. It's just the acoustics. The acoustics in here. 711 00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:15,420 Why are you sweating? I'll be right back, okay? You just relax, okay? Hang 712 00:46:15,420 --> 00:46:16,420 tight. 713 00:46:17,860 --> 00:46:18,860 Check the reflexes. 714 00:46:27,789 --> 00:46:29,030 Gary, what are you doing to me? 715 00:46:29,430 --> 00:46:30,430 What are you doing? 716 00:46:30,690 --> 00:46:34,430 What the hell is this? We're just testing his reflexes. All right, just 717 00:46:34,430 --> 00:46:36,130 him. Here we go. 718 00:46:38,230 --> 00:46:39,990 We'll be right down, Mr. Lubitsch. Come on. 719 00:46:41,690 --> 00:46:44,510 Don't yell at me. Y 'all don't know that I do it myself. Come on, darling, 720 00:46:44,630 --> 00:46:47,570 please. Give me another chance. No, no, no. I can do it. He is my friend. I am 721 00:46:47,570 --> 00:46:50,330 doomed. All right, then. Take off his pants and then take off his shorts. 722 00:46:51,130 --> 00:46:54,590 Big pardon? Well, he's not taking it orally, so we have to hydrate him 723 00:46:55,370 --> 00:46:56,370 He's your friend. 724 00:46:59,630 --> 00:47:00,630 Excuse me. 725 00:47:02,970 --> 00:47:04,010 Gee, okay. 726 00:47:04,250 --> 00:47:08,590 My dog is sick, so I'm just taking care of that. I will be right back, okay? 727 00:47:08,690 --> 00:47:09,690 Okay, great. 728 00:47:11,630 --> 00:47:12,630 These drugs. 729 00:47:17,310 --> 00:47:18,870 Grant, spread his cheeks. 730 00:47:28,460 --> 00:47:32,460 I'll just actually clean and then separate. 731 00:47:32,820 --> 00:47:33,558 Go in. 732 00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:34,560 Go in. 733 00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,100 I can't. I can't. I cannot do this. 734 00:47:39,460 --> 00:47:40,460 Be a man. 735 00:47:40,520 --> 00:47:41,520 Yeah. Pussy. 736 00:47:44,340 --> 00:47:45,340 Okay. 737 00:47:45,740 --> 00:47:46,740 All right, Dougie. 738 00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:49,740 I owe you one. Here it comes. 739 00:47:59,120 --> 00:48:00,300 There's lots of gifts. You got it? 740 00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:01,780 A little too much. 741 00:48:02,220 --> 00:48:03,220 Okay, okay, okay. 742 00:48:04,360 --> 00:48:05,360 Here we go. 743 00:48:05,900 --> 00:48:06,900 Wow, all right. 744 00:48:07,540 --> 00:48:08,780 Seems to be taking it. 745 00:48:09,020 --> 00:48:10,020 Go, Doug, go. 746 00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:13,800 Mr. Colletti. 747 00:48:17,760 --> 00:48:18,760 Hmm. 748 00:48:20,120 --> 00:48:21,600 Something's blocking it. Check the funnel. 749 00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:24,200 Yeah, Dad, check the funnel. I'm not checking any funnel. You check the 750 00:48:24,220 --> 00:48:26,300 I'm not checking the funnel. I'm not checking the funnel. No, I'm not. You 751 00:48:26,300 --> 00:48:27,300 and check the funnel. 752 00:48:38,440 --> 00:48:41,200 No, no, it's just water. It's just water. It's just water. We're fine. But 753 00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:42,200 smells like shit! 754 00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,400 Oh, we smell like shit! 755 00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:46,960 Jody and shit! 756 00:48:48,560 --> 00:48:52,920 I can't go in there. I'm covered in shit! 757 00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:54,960 We have shit water! Here's the check. 758 00:48:55,340 --> 00:48:56,340 Oh, it's in my pocket. 759 00:49:08,910 --> 00:49:12,070 Who are you? I am Darlene. It is so nice to meet you. 760 00:49:12,410 --> 00:49:14,270 Would you like some sweet tea? 761 00:49:17,750 --> 00:49:20,250 What's she doing? 762 00:49:20,470 --> 00:49:21,710 I don't know. But he's talking. 763 00:49:22,570 --> 00:49:24,590 Let's go get something. Right this way, sir. 764 00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:54,300 I mean, you saved Doug's life. You saved mine. 765 00:49:54,940 --> 00:49:59,400 You're pretty special, Darlene. How did you get the Russian to give you that egg 766 00:49:59,400 --> 00:50:03,660 anyway? Oh, just a little sweet tea and southern charm. 767 00:50:04,780 --> 00:50:07,000 Well, I've been trying to charm him for two years. 768 00:50:07,580 --> 00:50:11,560 Well, I did have to tell him that was your engagement present to me. He liked 769 00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:12,760 that real good. Really? 770 00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:14,120 Man is clearly an idiot. 771 00:50:14,640 --> 00:50:15,640 I don't know. 772 00:50:15,720 --> 00:50:16,720 Anything could happen. 773 00:50:18,410 --> 00:50:19,410 Excuse me. 774 00:50:19,470 --> 00:50:21,870 Yeah, I was just wondering, we're taking a poll. 775 00:50:22,330 --> 00:50:23,690 How long have you been married? 776 00:50:24,130 --> 00:50:25,130 20 years. 777 00:50:25,370 --> 00:50:26,390 Wow, congratulations. 778 00:50:27,210 --> 00:50:31,170 Thank you. Good for you. Are you two still as sweet on each other as you 779 00:50:31,490 --> 00:50:32,490 Yeah. 780 00:50:33,090 --> 00:50:34,090 Very much so. 781 00:50:35,050 --> 00:50:36,050 Cheers. Cheers. 782 00:51:04,370 --> 00:51:09,490 Yeah, but Grant was always a little off, you know, ruled when he was a kid, and 783 00:51:09,490 --> 00:51:13,550 we almost sent you to a special school. Do you remember that, son? No, no, I 784 00:51:13,550 --> 00:51:15,170 don't remember that, weirdly enough. 785 00:51:15,630 --> 00:51:19,470 I bet you were very cute, though, when you were a kid. Oh, well, I don't know 786 00:51:19,470 --> 00:51:20,388 about that. 787 00:51:20,390 --> 00:51:25,010 Oh, come on. Who could be cuter? Well, I was voted Miss Beer Bait and Ammo when 788 00:51:25,010 --> 00:51:26,250 I was nine. Oh, really? 789 00:51:26,570 --> 00:51:30,720 Yeah. Oh, who else would win? Oh, well, I had a little tiara that had little 790 00:51:30,720 --> 00:51:33,660 hooks. It was made out of hooks and little plastic worms. Really? Did you 791 00:51:33,660 --> 00:51:37,940 little diamonds on them and stuff like that? No, just hooks and worms. I loved 792 00:51:37,940 --> 00:51:38,940 that little crown. 793 00:51:38,980 --> 00:51:40,000 You must have been adorable. 794 00:51:41,220 --> 00:51:43,800 Hey, you want to see cute? 795 00:51:44,500 --> 00:51:48,860 I got video on this kid that you will adore. 796 00:51:49,100 --> 00:51:50,160 You wrote whole movies? 797 00:51:58,220 --> 00:52:01,520 I've just committed extreme adultery. What do you have to say for yourself? 798 00:52:01,740 --> 00:52:07,160 I did not. I did not. There he is. Bring him in. Bring him in right here. 799 00:52:07,940 --> 00:52:10,540 Get off me. Get off me, you hussy. 800 00:52:10,960 --> 00:52:14,560 I am not a hussy. Don't call me that. You kind of are. 801 00:52:15,420 --> 00:52:16,460 This is the best part. 802 00:52:17,460 --> 00:52:18,460 Oh. 803 00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:20,200 Oh, God. 804 00:52:21,620 --> 00:52:26,600 Okay. Well, hold on now. So you slept with a married woman? 805 00:52:28,300 --> 00:52:29,238 A television? 806 00:52:29,240 --> 00:52:30,240 Grant! 807 00:52:30,700 --> 00:52:32,080 It was only the one time. 808 00:52:32,360 --> 00:52:33,980 Hey, Jack, can I talk to you in the kitchen for a second? 809 00:52:35,000 --> 00:52:38,480 You have got to stop. What? Stop what? This insane rivalry. 810 00:52:38,880 --> 00:52:40,160 Oh, this isn't a rivalry, son. 811 00:52:40,380 --> 00:52:43,240 To have a rivalry, you have to have a worthy opponent. 812 00:52:43,740 --> 00:52:46,820 One of us should step aside before this gets ugly. I totally agree. 813 00:52:47,460 --> 00:52:50,780 I think it should be you. Oh, what a surprise. How generous of you. You can't 814 00:52:50,780 --> 00:52:52,280 win. Oh, I can, huh? 815 00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:56,600 Maloki! I'll put a maloki on your ass. Don't you point your maloki at me. All 816 00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:59,540 I'm saying is this is a young girl. She's going to want a young guy, not 817 00:52:59,540 --> 00:53:01,140 woman who's old and decrepit. 818 00:53:01,400 --> 00:53:02,860 Seasons and experience, son. 819 00:53:03,460 --> 00:53:05,520 You are looking at the Clint Eastwood of pussy. 820 00:53:05,760 --> 00:53:08,720 I am like a Chinese acrobat in the sack. 821 00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:10,040 Dad, 822 00:53:10,180 --> 00:53:15,780 look, I think I really like her. Oh, so now you love her Prince of Prozac? I was 823 00:53:15,780 --> 00:53:18,600 on that for one month. Wait, maybe you should go back on it. You know that? 824 00:53:18,620 --> 00:53:20,960 You're becoming a real bummer. And I'll tell you something else. 825 00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:23,060 You don't know the first thing about love. 826 00:53:23,400 --> 00:53:27,000 Well, how could I with parents like you? You and Mom never loved each other. You 827 00:53:27,000 --> 00:53:30,120 don't know anything about what your mother and I had. I grew up in that 828 00:53:30,280 --> 00:53:32,180 You and Mom, it was all bullshit. 829 00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:45,400 I'm sorry, Pop. 830 00:53:45,640 --> 00:53:49,780 You know, you just... Get your hands off me, Fredo. I see what's going on here. 831 00:53:49,940 --> 00:53:52,120 There's two of us and one of her. 832 00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:54,040 So may the best man win. 833 00:53:54,340 --> 00:53:55,340 Bitch. 834 00:55:30,020 --> 00:55:31,340 Chooch Right 835 00:55:31,340 --> 00:55:40,740 about 836 00:55:40,740 --> 00:55:44,760 now Darlene, we're gonna slow it down a little bit just for you little down 837 00:55:44,760 --> 00:55:50,700 -tempo number Silent night Holy night 838 00:55:50,700 --> 00:55:53,960 All is calm 839 00:56:30,300 --> 00:56:34,380 We're celebrating Kwanzaa. Join us. Join us. 840 00:56:34,650 --> 00:56:36,850 Join us. I prefer the man -eye steamroller version. 841 00:56:37,870 --> 00:56:41,310 Christmas tree, oh, Christmas tree. 842 00:56:42,730 --> 00:56:43,210 Great 843 00:56:43,210 --> 00:56:52,370 job. 844 00:56:53,250 --> 00:56:54,950 That's the end of that, though, I think. 845 00:57:32,400 --> 00:57:33,319 at the old fart sack. 846 00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:34,760 Yeah. Friggin' cat. 847 00:57:35,220 --> 00:57:36,380 Damn! Clutch! 848 00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:37,920 Come on, come on. 849 00:57:38,560 --> 00:57:39,800 Ta -da! 850 00:57:41,280 --> 00:57:43,580 Peering over there and down here. Those things. 851 00:57:44,080 --> 00:57:46,200 Where's Tankles? 852 00:57:47,020 --> 00:57:48,400 Who's Tankles? Oh, the cat? 853 00:57:48,660 --> 00:57:51,000 Yeah. Oh, I don't know. I just was making all that up. 854 00:57:51,540 --> 00:57:52,540 She's okay. 855 00:57:52,700 --> 00:57:53,700 I think. 856 00:57:54,520 --> 00:57:56,100 Ouch! My goodness! 857 00:57:56,460 --> 00:57:57,940 Oh! What did you do there? 858 00:57:58,200 --> 00:57:59,200 I looked for Grant. 859 00:57:59,560 --> 00:58:01,860 Grant put me up to it. He did all this? 860 00:58:02,090 --> 00:58:04,030 Well, I did all of it, but it was Grant's idea. 861 00:58:04,350 --> 00:58:05,390 You should go up there. 862 00:58:06,030 --> 00:58:07,510 You should go up there. Really? 863 00:58:07,750 --> 00:58:09,630 Go up there. Here, give me this. Okay. Go. 864 00:58:10,870 --> 00:58:11,769 Are you sure? 865 00:58:11,770 --> 00:58:12,770 Yeah, go. 866 00:59:37,930 --> 00:59:40,190 God, please don't let me screw this up. 867 00:59:54,310 --> 00:59:56,410 Y 'all are a screwy bunch, you know that? 868 00:59:56,650 --> 01:00:00,270 Oh, we were normal before you got here. Well, I don't believe that for two 869 01:00:00,270 --> 01:00:01,270 seconds. 870 01:00:02,090 --> 01:00:03,090 Thank you. 871 01:00:03,150 --> 01:00:04,150 Cheers. 872 01:00:10,890 --> 01:00:13,470 You seem like you might actually be happy. 873 01:00:14,370 --> 01:00:16,610 Is that because of me or that silly egg? 874 01:00:17,830 --> 01:00:18,830 Both. 875 01:00:20,470 --> 01:00:22,630 What are you going to do with all that money? 876 01:00:24,690 --> 01:00:25,870 Can you keep a secret? 877 01:00:27,130 --> 01:00:28,130 Yeah. 878 01:00:29,870 --> 01:00:34,190 I'm going to move into this old mansion up in Washington. 879 01:00:36,230 --> 01:00:39,850 Some guy built it back in the 1920s. 880 01:00:40,940 --> 01:00:46,300 It's got a moat, and it's surrounded by 150 acres of mountain forest. 881 01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:50,220 I'm gonna move there next month. 882 01:00:51,100 --> 01:00:52,100 Really? 883 01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:55,680 Wow. That sounds like a castle. 884 01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,100 You gonna live there all alone? 885 01:00:59,700 --> 01:01:01,320 Yeah. Yeah, why not? 886 01:01:01,620 --> 01:01:04,160 I hate cities. I hate people. It's perfect. 887 01:01:07,660 --> 01:01:09,200 Of course, uh... 888 01:01:09,640 --> 01:01:10,880 If you wanted to come visit. 889 01:01:12,140 --> 01:01:13,140 Really? 890 01:01:14,820 --> 01:01:15,820 Here. 891 01:01:19,260 --> 01:01:23,540 May I have this dance? 892 01:01:23,820 --> 01:01:25,200 I thought you didn't dance. 893 01:01:25,440 --> 01:01:27,340 Oh, a fast dance, no. Slow dance. 894 01:01:27,620 --> 01:01:28,620 Yeah. 895 01:01:29,320 --> 01:01:30,320 For a nut cake. 896 01:01:42,230 --> 01:01:43,230 Darlene. 897 01:01:43,650 --> 01:01:44,650 Darlene. 898 01:01:45,650 --> 01:01:46,890 Darlene. Eduardo. 899 01:01:47,450 --> 01:01:51,130 Eduardo. The Pacific Corps is probably living in Washington. 900 01:01:51,930 --> 01:01:56,030 And I'm supposed to go into the wilderness for three whole months to 901 01:01:56,030 --> 01:01:57,030 them. 902 01:01:57,190 --> 01:02:02,490 Well, if you want to, you could just stay at the mansion while you do your 903 01:02:02,490 --> 01:02:05,110 thing. Oh, no, no, no, no. I... 904 01:02:05,340 --> 01:02:06,740 I wouldn't want to impose on you. 905 01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:10,940 That's not imposing. No, I've got like 15 rooms. No, we'll make one of frog 906 01:02:10,940 --> 01:02:11,940 rooms. No problem. 907 01:02:11,980 --> 01:02:13,540 Really? Yes. No, please. 908 01:02:13,760 --> 01:02:16,140 No, we'll have frog legs for dinner. It'll be great. 909 01:02:17,180 --> 01:02:23,040 Oh, come on now. You sure you wouldn't mind a cow tipping redneck in your fancy 910 01:02:23,040 --> 01:02:24,040 castle? 911 01:02:24,540 --> 01:02:27,100 Look, I'm so sorry that I said those things. 912 01:02:27,580 --> 01:02:28,580 I'm so sorry. 913 01:02:29,340 --> 01:02:31,040 You're honest. 914 01:02:31,320 --> 01:02:32,320 You're smart. 915 01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:33,900 You're funny. You're beautiful. 916 01:02:34,120 --> 01:02:35,120 Graham. 917 01:02:41,740 --> 01:02:43,880 and why is my heart popping out of my chest? 918 01:02:45,160 --> 01:02:46,880 It doesn't feel more like a pain. 919 01:02:47,980 --> 01:02:54,980 Just because we haven't, you know, seen a happy couple, it doesn't mean... Maybe 920 01:02:54,980 --> 01:02:56,840 it could be us. 921 01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:03,980 Girl, I've been hurt enough in my life. 922 01:03:05,460 --> 01:03:09,320 So if you don't mean it, please don't say it. 923 01:03:09,540 --> 01:03:10,540 Darlene. 924 01:03:12,010 --> 01:03:13,010 I mean it. 925 01:03:13,890 --> 01:03:14,890 It's us. 926 01:03:31,230 --> 01:03:32,250 It's Melvin. 927 01:03:32,590 --> 01:03:33,630 Yeah, snowmakers. 928 01:04:30,420 --> 01:04:31,560 My own flesh. 929 01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:33,960 My own blood. 930 01:04:34,380 --> 01:04:36,340 God, forgive me what I'm gonna do! 931 01:04:41,680 --> 01:04:42,940 Freeze, FBI. 932 01:04:43,500 --> 01:04:45,040 Okay, Harry. I come in peace. 933 01:04:45,380 --> 01:04:46,660 I come in peace, Harry. 934 01:04:47,020 --> 01:04:48,020 I'm a friend. 935 01:04:48,200 --> 01:04:49,480 Are you hungry, Harry? 936 01:04:49,700 --> 01:04:50,519 You hungry? 937 01:04:50,520 --> 01:04:52,040 Yeah? Come with me, Harry. 938 01:04:52,460 --> 01:04:56,460 Good food for you, Harry. Come. Come. Come with me. Good food. 939 01:04:56,840 --> 01:04:57,840 Oh, jeez. 940 01:04:58,279 --> 01:05:01,220 Tell me, tell me about the frogs. Tell me more about the frogs. Okay, okay. 941 01:05:01,520 --> 01:05:02,520 Oh, the frogs. 942 01:05:02,740 --> 01:05:07,360 Okay, yeah. A male frog. A male frog. He lures. 943 01:05:07,640 --> 01:05:08,740 He lures. Yeah, he does. 944 01:05:08,980 --> 01:05:14,180 Mm -hmm. He lures the female frog into the water with his croak. And then the 945 01:05:14,180 --> 01:05:19,280 female frog, they lay their eggs in these clumps. They're like 10 to 90. And 946 01:05:19,280 --> 01:05:20,280 then the... Wait, wait. 947 01:05:20,700 --> 01:05:21,700 Do you have a gun on them? 948 01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:23,360 Oh, oh. 949 01:05:25,460 --> 01:05:26,580 No tadpoles for us. 950 01:05:27,830 --> 01:05:30,370 You're going to have a great time. You can trust me, Harry. 951 01:05:30,750 --> 01:05:35,010 Didn't I buy a cup of coffee? Right? Follow Jerry. Come with Jerry. 952 01:05:35,330 --> 01:05:38,250 Yeah, Harry. All for you. Look what we got here. 953 01:05:38,550 --> 01:05:43,330 Women, wine, food, naked, nude. 954 01:05:43,750 --> 01:05:46,410 Go, Harry. Go. Enjoy yourself. 955 01:05:48,070 --> 01:05:49,170 Yeah, boy. 956 01:05:49,490 --> 01:05:50,490 Enjoy, Harry. 957 01:05:50,930 --> 01:05:53,210 Enjoy. Boy. Boy. Boy. 958 01:05:56,360 --> 01:05:57,360 Keep going. 959 01:06:01,380 --> 01:06:02,720 All for you, Harry. 960 01:06:04,220 --> 01:06:06,800 I wanted you since the first time I saw you. 961 01:06:07,320 --> 01:06:08,500 Take off your pants. 962 01:06:09,720 --> 01:06:10,720 Take them off. 963 01:06:43,760 --> 01:06:44,760 Is that you? 964 01:06:45,920 --> 01:06:46,960 Fred, I can't. 965 01:06:47,600 --> 01:06:48,740 Oh, God. 966 01:06:50,140 --> 01:06:52,160 Oh, God, don't worry. I can't. Fred. 967 01:06:52,540 --> 01:06:53,540 Oh, my God. 968 01:06:54,200 --> 01:06:58,420 Get him off me. Okay, just bury this in me. Get him off me. Marlo. 969 01:07:05,940 --> 01:07:12,700 Did your daddy say where he was going? 970 01:07:14,700 --> 01:07:17,880 Oh, goodness, I feel so bad about this. I mean, I broke up a marriage before, 971 01:07:17,940 --> 01:07:21,680 but never a father and a son. Look, Harrington's going to be here in an 972 01:07:21,680 --> 01:07:23,760 I just, I really can't deal with this right now. 973 01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:27,840 Maybe I did lead him on just a little bit. 974 01:07:29,580 --> 01:07:32,640 Oh, you think he's at that motel? I don't care where he is. 975 01:07:33,040 --> 01:07:35,740 Okay, he said he disowned me. That goes double for me. 976 01:07:36,620 --> 01:07:38,960 Hey, he's still your daddy. Just drop it. 977 01:07:49,690 --> 01:07:51,650 Done. What's happening here? 978 01:07:52,270 --> 01:07:54,550 I decorated for Christmas. 979 01:07:55,250 --> 01:07:57,050 Why is the couch there? 980 01:07:57,710 --> 01:08:02,230 Oh, it opens up the room. It makes it airy. And the TV's here. 981 01:08:02,450 --> 01:08:03,470 Why is it over here? 982 01:08:03,710 --> 01:08:07,890 Yeah, the room flows better that way. Oh, hey, I went online and I checked out 983 01:08:07,890 --> 01:08:09,110 the castle, and it's perfect. 984 01:08:09,350 --> 01:08:10,350 Oh, it's beautiful. 985 01:08:10,770 --> 01:08:14,580 Well, of course, it needs some work, but... I already have tons of ideas for 986 01:08:14,580 --> 01:08:15,580 frog room. 987 01:08:15,640 --> 01:08:16,639 Frog room? 988 01:08:16,720 --> 01:08:17,720 Mm -hmm. 989 01:08:18,000 --> 01:08:20,840 Oh, hey, you got this little cowlick thing going on. 990 01:08:25,000 --> 01:08:26,859 Here we go. 991 01:08:27,460 --> 01:08:28,460 That's a little better. 992 01:08:44,310 --> 01:08:47,029 Uh, Darlene, you know, I've got a lot to do. 993 01:08:47,810 --> 01:08:53,470 You know, I've got to, um, I've got to sell the business and the loft, and I've 994 01:08:53,470 --> 01:08:55,229 got to pack up and move out. 995 01:08:56,590 --> 01:09:01,310 And, you know, I don't have a lot of time to talk about the frog room, you 996 01:09:02,970 --> 01:09:06,750 Can you just help me move this? I just want to get the couch over there again. 997 01:09:08,010 --> 01:09:09,109 It looks better there. 998 01:09:09,770 --> 01:09:12,410 Right. No, no, no. I know, but I just, I prefer it there. 999 01:09:14,590 --> 01:09:15,590 Fine. 1000 01:09:17,630 --> 01:09:18,630 Good. 1001 01:09:20,310 --> 01:09:24,390 You know, it's not like I'm asking you to marry me or anything. 1002 01:09:24,649 --> 01:09:26,790 Whoa. No, no. Who said anything about marriage? No, no. 1003 01:09:27,229 --> 01:09:31,450 No, it's just, you know, I think it might be easier if I did all this alone. 1004 01:09:32,350 --> 01:09:33,350 Uh -huh. 1005 01:09:33,870 --> 01:09:36,850 Alone. Yeah, you know, you've got to finish school. 1006 01:09:37,609 --> 01:09:39,450 You're a little bit transient, you know. 1007 01:09:41,850 --> 01:09:42,850 Transient? 1008 01:09:45,010 --> 01:09:46,069 I'm transient? 1009 01:09:46,770 --> 01:09:51,930 Look, I just mean, you know, you have some place to stay other than here, 1010 01:09:54,130 --> 01:09:58,370 Well, I'm not in this for the place to stay. No, I know. No, no, I don't think 1011 01:09:58,370 --> 01:09:59,730 you do know. No, I do. 1012 01:10:00,770 --> 01:10:01,910 Goodness gracious. 1013 01:10:02,710 --> 01:10:04,070 I should have seen this coming. 1014 01:10:04,270 --> 01:10:06,990 I really should have seen this coming, because you got what you wanted. 1015 01:10:07,260 --> 01:10:10,360 And now you don't want any more. No, no, no. It's not like that. It's true. You 1016 01:10:10,360 --> 01:10:15,180 came, you saw, you conquered, and veeny, veeny, adios, no more frog room. No, 1017 01:10:15,180 --> 01:10:20,500 it's not like that. It isn't. All you talk about believing and love. 1018 01:10:20,780 --> 01:10:26,020 Talk? No, I meant that. I just, I'm not good at this. Why do you think that I 1019 01:10:26,020 --> 01:10:30,180 am? Let's just, let's be reasonable, okay? Don't cry. Why are we yelling? 1020 01:11:04,190 --> 01:11:07,370 Manager? Yeah. What do you mean you don't have room service? 1021 01:11:07,890 --> 01:11:10,350 You got the nerve to charge 30 bucks a night? 1022 01:11:25,230 --> 01:11:29,630 Welcome. Happy holidays. Mr. Harrington, Mr. Colletti, wait for your arrival in 1023 01:11:29,630 --> 01:11:31,070 his office chamber. 1024 01:11:33,770 --> 01:11:34,770 Mr. Harrington. 1025 01:11:35,030 --> 01:11:37,190 I'm so glad that you could make it. Okay. 1026 01:11:37,430 --> 01:11:39,530 I hope that your trip was good. 1027 01:11:39,790 --> 01:11:43,090 I'm going to show you that your patient has all been well worth it. 1028 01:11:43,590 --> 01:11:49,530 I, yep, without further ado, I present to you Princess Zarina Romanov, Royal 1029 01:11:49,530 --> 01:11:52,970 Russian Fabergé Christmas Box. 1030 01:11:57,510 --> 01:11:58,510 It's not there. 1031 01:11:59,190 --> 01:12:00,190 Mr. 1032 01:12:01,610 --> 01:12:02,610 Harrington. 1033 01:12:02,800 --> 01:12:04,180 Return to the area, please. 1034 01:12:04,780 --> 01:12:05,780 There's a fire outside. 1035 01:12:05,940 --> 01:12:06,919 Don't go out there. 1036 01:12:06,920 --> 01:12:07,920 Excuse me. 1037 01:12:09,640 --> 01:12:10,640 Hello? 1038 01:12:10,900 --> 01:12:11,900 Mr. Manager? 1039 01:12:12,080 --> 01:12:15,380 You have a little problem with that porn DVD that you sent me? 1040 01:12:15,620 --> 01:12:16,700 Talk dirty to me? 1041 01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:18,920 They're talking in Chinese. 1042 01:12:21,880 --> 01:12:25,160 You here to fix my porn? 1043 01:12:25,640 --> 01:12:26,640 Open up! 1044 01:12:26,760 --> 01:12:27,760 Chooch? 1045 01:12:28,240 --> 01:12:29,240 Choochie? Is that you? 1046 01:12:29,740 --> 01:12:31,900 I know you're in there. I know you've got it. Open up! 1047 01:12:32,120 --> 01:12:35,180 Look, I don't know what you're talking about. I have no idea what you're 1048 01:12:35,180 --> 01:12:39,440 about, but just calm down, and I'll open the door once you're calmed down, all 1049 01:12:39,440 --> 01:12:41,340 right? Nice and calm, all right? 1050 01:12:41,820 --> 01:12:45,060 You open it right now. I know you took it. Okay, I'm coming. I'm coming. 1051 01:12:45,140 --> 01:12:46,780 Territory is on the way to the airport now! 1052 01:12:48,200 --> 01:12:52,740 Open up, or I will smash your fat face in! Okay, on the count of three, I'm 1053 01:12:52,740 --> 01:12:53,740 going to open the door. 1054 01:12:53,800 --> 01:12:55,580 But remember, no violence. 1055 01:12:56,100 --> 01:12:58,600 I'm an old man. Remember that. No violence. 1056 01:12:59,740 --> 01:13:00,740 One. 1057 01:13:02,660 --> 01:13:03,660 Two. Three. 1058 01:13:06,580 --> 01:13:10,720 Give it back, or I call the cops. Somebody took your egg? Don't you 1059 01:13:10,800 --> 01:13:13,820 You needed money for your stupid fishbowl. No, no, no, no, no. I didn't 1060 01:13:13,820 --> 01:13:15,140 that. I swear to God. You're a liar. 1061 01:13:15,360 --> 01:13:18,180 No, no, no. You put the malokia. No, no, no, no, no. The malokia was for 1062 01:13:18,180 --> 01:13:21,100 Darlene. It had nothing to do with it. Where is it? I didn't take it. I swear. 1063 01:13:21,100 --> 01:13:23,380 don't know anything about it. What are you talking about? Where is it? You want 1064 01:13:23,380 --> 01:13:26,680 to know where it is? You really want to know? Yes. Then suck my ass and look for 1065 01:13:26,680 --> 01:13:27,680 it. 1066 01:13:31,180 --> 01:13:35,460 You dumb son of a bitch. I'm your father. You accuse me of lying. You call 1067 01:13:35,460 --> 01:13:38,820 liar. You swear at Grandma's grave you didn't take it. You swear at Grandma's 1068 01:13:38,820 --> 01:13:41,000 grave. You swear. I swear. 1069 01:13:41,380 --> 01:13:42,840 God rest his soul. I swear. 1070 01:13:48,300 --> 01:13:49,300 Pop. 1071 01:13:50,420 --> 01:13:51,960 If he didn't take it, who did? 1072 01:13:55,620 --> 01:13:58,300 Doc, maybe he's not as stupid as he looks. No. 1073 01:13:58,640 --> 01:13:59,980 I checked him. He's clean. 1074 01:14:08,100 --> 01:14:09,100 Darlene, huh? 1075 01:14:09,720 --> 01:14:10,720 Perfect. 1076 01:14:12,900 --> 01:14:13,900 Wait a second. 1077 01:14:14,500 --> 01:14:15,840 What? You coming with me? 1078 01:14:16,340 --> 01:14:18,020 Nobody takes a Coletti's money. 1079 01:14:22,100 --> 01:14:23,100 What happened with you guys? 1080 01:14:23,360 --> 01:14:25,920 We were talking about moving in together last night while we were making love. 1081 01:14:26,140 --> 01:14:27,620 Don't give me any details. 1082 01:14:27,880 --> 01:14:28,639 No details. 1083 01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:29,640 Wait a second. 1084 01:14:29,680 --> 01:14:32,640 What color was they blinking? It was red, right? All right, all right. 1085 01:14:32,860 --> 01:14:35,940 This morning, I guess we kind of decided maybe we were moving too fast. We 1086 01:14:35,940 --> 01:14:36,940 decided? 1087 01:14:37,890 --> 01:14:40,830 Maybe it was me. Yeah, there you go. You blew her off. She took your egg. I was 1088 01:14:40,830 --> 01:14:43,390 in a big shock. I was too big and hairy. The homeless guy had pubes out of my 1089 01:14:43,390 --> 01:14:45,890 mouth. What the hell is this? 1090 01:14:46,610 --> 01:14:47,549 My car. 1091 01:14:47,550 --> 01:14:49,110 No wonder you don't get any chick. 1092 01:14:51,030 --> 01:14:52,030 Go! 1093 01:15:08,810 --> 01:15:09,810 We're going to stay over here. 1094 01:15:10,230 --> 01:15:11,250 Come on. 1095 01:15:12,190 --> 01:15:16,910 Come to mama, you sweet, sweet baby. 1096 01:15:17,150 --> 01:15:20,010 Come on. I would never hurt you. 1097 01:15:22,410 --> 01:15:24,630 I'm okay. 1098 01:15:25,590 --> 01:15:32,510 Yeah, you'll never hang up on me again, will you? I don't have a car. I lost it 1099 01:15:32,510 --> 01:15:34,790 in a relationship. Where's your car? 1100 01:15:35,090 --> 01:15:37,810 I took the butt from Tijuana. 1101 01:15:39,020 --> 01:15:40,300 Oh, boy, that monster's done. 1102 01:15:40,540 --> 01:15:41,580 Take me to my son. 1103 01:15:42,280 --> 01:15:43,860 Take me to my husband. 1104 01:15:46,120 --> 01:15:48,740 Don Lee's not answering. Cinnamon's not answering. 1105 01:15:49,560 --> 01:15:51,580 There's only one place I can think to look for him. Pity City. 1106 01:15:51,860 --> 01:15:53,220 That's right. Go, baby, go! 1107 01:15:58,080 --> 01:16:01,920 It's on. It is on, baby. Never let him see it. Never let him see it happen. 1108 01:16:02,480 --> 01:16:03,480 Talk nice and then bam! 1109 01:16:03,760 --> 01:16:05,180 Okay, okay, all right, all right. 1110 01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:06,860 One, two... 1111 01:16:20,750 --> 01:16:21,409 You all right, son? 1112 01:16:21,410 --> 01:16:24,690 I'm good. You okay? I'm really good, yeah. At least we got him to give us the 1113 01:16:24,690 --> 01:16:25,389 address, right? 1114 01:16:25,390 --> 01:16:26,830 That's right. Coletti boys rule. Absolutely. 1115 01:16:27,210 --> 01:16:28,310 Ah, okay. 1116 01:16:29,290 --> 01:16:31,230 You know, this is fun. 1117 01:16:31,550 --> 01:16:34,370 We should do this more often, honestly. Yeah, well, parts of it. 1118 01:16:35,710 --> 01:16:36,710 Hey, 1119 01:16:37,650 --> 01:16:39,870 Doug? Yeah, yeah, we're going to need some backup. 1120 01:16:40,090 --> 01:16:44,690 Little Miss I Don't Shake the Twins is stripping at a bachelor party up in the 1121 01:16:44,690 --> 01:16:45,750 valley. I'll text you the address. 1122 01:16:46,170 --> 01:16:47,610 Okay. Hey, you don't have text? 1123 01:17:09,390 --> 01:17:10,650 I'm back, back, back. 1124 01:17:23,690 --> 01:17:26,870 This is starting to feel a little bit like... It's a party. It's no problem. 1125 01:17:27,030 --> 01:17:29,890 It's a party. It doesn't matter. 1126 01:17:30,130 --> 01:17:31,130 We're done. 1127 01:17:41,900 --> 01:17:43,500 Why do chicks do a bachelor party? 1128 01:17:48,260 --> 01:17:50,740 Where are the bachelors? 1129 01:17:51,100 --> 01:17:54,480 I think it might be a lesbian bachelor party. 1130 01:17:54,680 --> 01:17:57,640 Lesbos? We don't really say that anymore. Really? 1131 01:17:57,920 --> 01:17:59,220 What do you call them? 1132 01:17:59,660 --> 01:18:02,160 They're same -sex lifestyle partners now. 1133 01:18:02,560 --> 01:18:05,920 Isn't it easy just to say lesbos? Okay, all right. Bunko, Archie Bunker. Okay, 1134 01:18:05,980 --> 01:18:07,460 okay. There she is. 1135 01:18:07,900 --> 01:18:09,620 Try to blend in. 1136 01:18:10,350 --> 01:18:12,610 Yeah, but I didn't even shave this morning. All right, okay, fine. We'll 1137 01:18:12,610 --> 01:18:13,910 sneak around. Quick around. 1138 01:18:23,910 --> 01:18:24,910 Graham. 1139 01:18:27,590 --> 01:18:29,650 Darlene. It's the Coletti boys, baby. 1140 01:18:29,930 --> 01:18:33,790 You tried to break us up. Yeah, I know. I got it. She set us up. I understand 1141 01:18:33,790 --> 01:18:34,790 that. I've got it. 1142 01:18:35,490 --> 01:18:37,110 Well, the police are on their way. 1143 01:18:37,600 --> 01:18:41,740 You may as well just hand over the egg. Oh, oh, okay. No, now. Now you'll pay 1144 01:18:41,740 --> 01:18:42,740 attention to me. Aha! 1145 01:18:43,300 --> 01:18:48,280 You do have it. All that talk about believing is just bullshit. 1146 01:18:48,620 --> 01:18:49,620 You're a liar. 1147 01:18:50,160 --> 01:18:52,180 You're the liar. You're a liar and a thief. 1148 01:18:52,480 --> 01:18:57,640 Where is it? Give it to me. Be careful with that. Be careful. You're a liar and 1149 01:18:57,640 --> 01:18:58,640 a thief, Mary. 1150 01:18:59,280 --> 01:19:06,240 Get your hand off of her. Look. 1151 01:19:06,910 --> 01:19:11,510 Take it easy, Butch, all right? Oh, Butch. I mean, it's just a matter of 1152 01:19:11,510 --> 01:19:12,510 speaking. 1153 01:19:12,830 --> 01:19:17,050 She killed my boy. 1154 01:19:17,490 --> 01:19:18,490 My boy. 1155 01:19:18,590 --> 01:19:19,950 What did you do to my dad? 1156 01:20:02,510 --> 01:20:04,930 Come on, you big weirdo, let's get out of here. Move, move, move! 1157 01:20:05,830 --> 01:20:06,830 Get out! 1158 01:20:09,170 --> 01:20:11,090 Let's move it, sir. All right, ma 'am. 1159 01:20:12,290 --> 01:20:18,070 So, how's Eduardo? 1160 01:20:18,670 --> 01:20:19,750 Yeah, how's Eduardo? 1161 01:20:20,030 --> 01:20:21,210 It's okay, son, I can handle this. 1162 01:20:21,870 --> 01:20:23,330 I don't know and I don't care. 1163 01:20:23,630 --> 01:20:27,950 If you don't care, how come you ran away to Cabo with him and took all our 1164 01:20:27,950 --> 01:20:30,190 money? Yeah, Cabo. All right, son, I'm doing this. 1165 01:20:31,470 --> 01:20:36,470 You were about to blow our retirement money on that crazy fish knish idea. I 1166 01:20:36,470 --> 01:20:37,429 to do something. 1167 01:20:37,430 --> 01:20:41,510 You what? No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't let her change the subject. You are the 1168 01:20:41,510 --> 01:20:42,570 subject. You. 1169 01:20:44,490 --> 01:20:49,550 I swear on my life, I didn't let Eduardo touch me. 1170 01:20:50,850 --> 01:20:56,790 You're telling me you went all the way down to Cabo with this young dude and 1171 01:20:56,790 --> 01:20:58,010 there was no sex? 1172 01:20:58,590 --> 01:20:59,590 None at all. 1173 01:21:05,550 --> 01:21:09,250 I got down there and I realized I'd made a terrible mistake. 1174 01:21:10,650 --> 01:21:12,650 You really are nuts, aren't you? 1175 01:21:13,590 --> 01:21:15,470 I married you, didn't I? 1176 01:21:17,930 --> 01:21:24,610 Oh, I dumped Eduardo at Cabo and I took a chicken truck here to be with you. 1177 01:21:24,910 --> 01:21:26,010 Why the hell didn't you fly? 1178 01:21:27,290 --> 01:21:29,190 Eduardo stole my credit cards. 1179 01:21:30,770 --> 01:21:34,430 So, Mom, you still love Dad? 1180 01:21:37,230 --> 01:21:38,230 What did I do? 1181 01:21:42,030 --> 01:21:43,030 Yeah? 1182 01:21:44,070 --> 01:21:48,510 Well, you know, I was really kind of enjoying being single and everything, 1183 01:21:48,550 --> 01:21:53,010 uh... Yeah, Riffy. I still love you. 1184 01:22:05,600 --> 01:22:08,680 Hey, come on, let's go. Hey, that's my son. 1185 01:22:09,020 --> 01:22:12,420 You better not hurt him. She'll kick your ass. She's a black belt. 1186 01:22:12,700 --> 01:22:13,700 Yes. 1187 01:22:13,980 --> 01:22:14,980 Ow, ow. 1188 01:22:16,560 --> 01:22:18,980 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. 1189 01:22:19,560 --> 01:22:20,560 Ow. 1190 01:22:21,180 --> 01:22:22,180 Oh, 1191 01:22:22,720 --> 01:22:27,120 shit. Who invited you lunatics to my bachelor party? Look, I'm sorry I ruined 1192 01:22:27,120 --> 01:22:30,540 your party. I was only here to get back something that she took from me. Oh, 1193 01:22:30,540 --> 01:22:34,300 don't. The only reason I took it is because he broke my heart. Look, we 1194 01:22:34,300 --> 01:22:37,440 have just talked about it, okay? You didn't have to commit grand larceny. You 1195 01:22:37,440 --> 01:22:42,000 care more about that egg than you ever cared about me. What is wrong with you? 1196 01:22:42,060 --> 01:22:43,060 She's lovely. 1197 01:22:43,340 --> 01:22:46,900 Don't give a damn about that stupid egg. Is that the only reason that you came 1198 01:22:46,900 --> 01:22:47,900 here? 1199 01:22:49,140 --> 01:22:56,040 Darlene, I just... You know, I... I finally... I finally 1200 01:22:56,040 --> 01:23:00,900 found the one girl that I could spend the rest of my life with. 1201 01:23:02,540 --> 01:23:08,280 The one girl that I could love and trust. And it just scared 1202 01:23:08,280 --> 01:23:10,300 the shit out of me. 1203 01:23:14,860 --> 01:23:21,740 I will not press charges. 1204 01:23:22,560 --> 01:23:25,240 I don't have a chance. 1205 01:23:25,580 --> 01:23:26,620 Press charges? 1206 01:23:27,160 --> 01:23:31,500 Well, God, thanks, Grant. Thanks a whole lot for doing that. 1207 01:23:31,920 --> 01:23:35,740 Your egg is in the black box in the back of your closet, you jerk. 1208 01:23:38,140 --> 01:23:42,320 So you didn't taste it? What was I supposed to do with this stupid egg, 1209 01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:43,560 Huh? 1210 01:23:45,780 --> 01:23:49,100 I'm sorry, darling. One second. 1211 01:23:49,380 --> 01:23:50,620 Officer, darling. Darling. 1212 01:23:51,500 --> 01:23:52,500 Darling. 1213 01:23:53,480 --> 01:23:54,940 Darling. Darling. 1214 01:23:55,440 --> 01:23:57,780 Darling. Let me talk to that nice lady. 1215 01:23:58,580 --> 01:23:59,640 Come on. Darling. 1216 01:24:10,760 --> 01:24:12,580 I hear it's Christmas. 1217 01:24:13,980 --> 01:24:16,100 I hear it's tradition. 1218 01:24:18,440 --> 01:24:24,560 I see the reds and greens, but I don't see much 1219 01:24:24,560 --> 01:24:25,860 different. 1220 01:24:26,880 --> 01:24:30,960 Oh, Christmas tree. Oh, Christmas tree. 1221 01:24:31,360 --> 01:24:37,520 Are you supposed to mean something? Oh, Christmas tree. 1222 01:24:37,700 --> 01:24:39,700 Oh, Christmas tree. 1223 01:24:40,330 --> 01:24:44,190 How lovely are thy branches 1224 01:24:44,190 --> 01:24:49,290 This isn't Christmas 1225 01:24:49,290 --> 01:24:56,130 This is a business This 1226 01:24:56,130 --> 01:25:01,530 is no family We're just pretending 1227 01:25:01,530 --> 01:25:05,970 None of this gives 1228 01:25:13,099 --> 01:25:14,240 Oh, 1229 01:25:15,720 --> 01:25:19,520 Christmas tree. Oh, Christmas tree. 1230 01:25:19,740 --> 01:25:25,940 Are you supposed to mean something? Oh, Christmas tree. 1231 01:25:43,080 --> 01:25:44,800 Got yourself a new job? I did. 1232 01:25:45,080 --> 01:25:46,480 Oh, very good, very good. 1233 01:25:46,700 --> 01:25:49,040 I hope this baby doesn't need to be rehydrated. 1234 01:25:49,460 --> 01:25:51,000 Not so far, no. 1235 01:25:51,240 --> 01:25:55,520 Good, good. Well, these are from Grant, since he says you won't answer phone 1236 01:25:55,520 --> 01:25:56,520 calls or anything. 1237 01:25:56,580 --> 01:26:00,320 And this is from Grant, too, but he says you'll understand what it is. I don't 1238 01:26:00,320 --> 01:26:06,200 know what it is. So I just want to say, don't make the kid pay for my mistakes. 1239 01:26:07,520 --> 01:26:09,960 And I really wanted to apologize to you. 1240 01:26:10,570 --> 01:26:13,810 But putting Harry, the homeless guy, on you, that was not good. 1241 01:26:15,090 --> 01:26:16,090 Thank you. 1242 01:26:16,370 --> 01:26:21,830 Thank you for saying that, but I... I'm so sorry that I got between you and 1243 01:26:21,830 --> 01:26:25,610 Grant. You have to believe me, I never, ever meant for that to happen. 1244 01:26:26,070 --> 01:26:27,070 I understand. 1245 01:26:27,130 --> 01:26:28,130 Not a big deal. 1246 01:26:28,170 --> 01:26:31,430 I'm really happy for you and your wife, too. I'm so glad you're back together. 1247 01:26:31,490 --> 01:26:32,530 You make a great couple. 1248 01:26:32,990 --> 01:26:37,310 Thanks. Speaking of that, Ruthie and I are going to throw a little shindig on 1249 01:26:37,310 --> 01:26:38,310 Christmas Eve. 1250 01:26:38,910 --> 01:26:40,610 We'd really like you to be there. 1251 01:26:41,970 --> 01:26:47,230 Well, um, thank you for the invite, but I don't think so. 1252 01:26:48,050 --> 01:26:49,050 Think about it, Ray. 1253 01:26:50,030 --> 01:26:53,430 Merry Christmas, and you look fantastic, by the way. 1254 01:26:53,650 --> 01:26:54,650 Thank you. 1255 01:26:59,870 --> 01:27:00,870 Pretty, huh? 1256 01:27:01,290 --> 01:27:03,210 Pretty enough to eat. 1257 01:28:28,910 --> 01:28:29,910 She's gone, Pop. 1258 01:28:30,770 --> 01:28:32,310 Well, it is Christmas, you know. 1259 01:28:32,910 --> 01:28:35,150 Time of miracles. Have you prayed, son? 1260 01:28:36,310 --> 01:28:38,690 Yeah, I think God's screening my calls. 1261 01:28:39,190 --> 01:28:40,190 Nah. 1262 01:28:40,590 --> 01:28:43,710 All right, close your eyes. You're in grateful little shit. Close your eyes. 1263 01:28:43,810 --> 01:28:50,770 Dear Lord, dear God, thank you for getting 1264 01:28:50,770 --> 01:28:51,890 us through another year. 1265 01:28:52,190 --> 01:28:55,230 We had our ups and downs, but we came through it okay. 1266 01:28:56,140 --> 01:28:58,440 We made some new friends along the way, too. 1267 01:28:59,360 --> 01:29:04,360 Same -sex lesbos, filthy bums, big idiots. 1268 01:29:04,660 --> 01:29:07,340 By big idiots, I mean me. I'm speaking about myself. 1269 01:29:07,920 --> 01:29:10,880 Please forgive us, O Lord. Forgive us. 1270 01:29:11,740 --> 01:29:15,520 And help us to forgive each other, because that's the only way crazy people 1271 01:29:15,520 --> 01:29:16,760 us are going to be able to live. 1272 01:29:18,020 --> 01:29:23,660 So please give my son here what he needs most in this world. 1273 01:29:24,430 --> 01:29:29,150 what we all need most in this world, true love. 1274 01:29:55,560 --> 01:30:00,100 It's my favorite time of the year. 1275 01:30:02,180 --> 01:30:07,840 All around there's a feeling of Christmas. Hi, everybody. 1276 01:30:08,220 --> 01:30:09,260 Hi, everybody. 1277 01:30:09,800 --> 01:30:11,360 This is Christmas. 1278 01:30:12,060 --> 01:30:14,660 This is Christmas. Merry Christmas, sweetie. 1279 01:30:15,760 --> 01:30:21,040 As we sit by the glow of the fire. 1280 01:30:43,460 --> 01:30:48,820 It's a Christmas made for two. 1281 01:30:50,040 --> 01:30:55,400 It's my favorite time of year. 1282 01:30:57,360 --> 01:31:02,820 All around there's a bit of Christmas. 1283 01:31:04,440 --> 01:31:07,880 Just me and you. 1284 01:31:08,240 --> 01:31:09,700 A dream. 1285 01:31:21,130 --> 01:31:22,130 It's a perfect Christmas. 1286 01:31:23,830 --> 01:31:27,810 It's a Christmas made good. 1287 01:31:52,400 --> 01:31:56,800 It's a Christmas made for two. 1288 01:32:26,200 --> 01:32:29,000 Thank you. 1289 01:33:10,690 --> 01:33:11,690 Yeah, 1290 01:33:14,090 --> 01:33:15,090 she can do this. No. 1291 01:33:15,180 --> 01:33:16,180 I don't know what's up in play. 1292 01:33:16,240 --> 01:33:18,520 All those little girls laughing all the way. 1293 01:33:18,740 --> 01:33:22,600 Talk about those great making spirits bright. We're fun and it's a ride and 1294 01:33:22,600 --> 01:33:23,600 and slay. It's all tonight. 1295 01:33:23,680 --> 01:33:24,680 Hey! 1296 01:37:01,870 --> 01:37:02,870 Hey, Judy. 1297 01:37:03,590 --> 01:37:04,590 It's your papa. 1298 01:37:04,670 --> 01:37:05,670 Hey! 1299 01:37:06,210 --> 01:37:07,210 Great job. 1300 01:37:07,890 --> 01:37:09,570 That's the end of that, though, I think.